Love is an Honor

Love is an honor, not an obligation. This is what I have learned from Tim's death. He honored me with his love and respect. I am privileged to have the love of so many. I am not loved because I am family or friend, I am loved because each one found something within me that they respected, that they wanted to love. We cannot love everything about a person, but we can find that gem in them that is worthy of love. We  choose how we treat others the same as they choose how they treat us. Somehow, I think respect is more important than love. Love covers so many things that it loses its meaning after a while.

I find I have a deeper appreciation and respect for those who traveled this road with us. They could have walked away as a few did, but they didn't, they choose to hold our hand instead. They gave us a shoulder to lean on, an ear to hear, a heart to bleed for us. They did not treat us with harshness or judgment for they understood that one day, we would come out into the light again. They did not demand, they waited. How amazing is that? One grows closer or more distant to others depending on one simple thing, how they treat you when you are at your lowest. It does not matter if they are family or not. Love is an honor, not an obligation. 

Tragedy binds people together and also tears them apart. Once we accept that some people do not belong in our lives, somehow the freer we become. It is like a great weight lifts off our shoulders. We come to a cross road. We choose and that is our right to do so. You do not have to keep someone in your life just because they are family. You just don't. There is no obligation but the ones they try to put on you. Love and respect cannot be forced. I have great respect for my husband, daughter, grandsons. family, and friends. No one knows what they have endured for few asked. Yet they stand strong beside me, I am honored by their love.

I have learned from Tim's loss just how fragile life is. I have learned to hold those who matter to me closer in my heart and my soul. Our world changed so drastically and completely that we were forced to relearn how to live again. Death really opens one eyes to what matters and what doesn't. It destroys and rebuilds. We are closer now to those we love even as we mourn the one we lost. Tim's absence will always be felt, the love we have for him stays strong, unrelenting, with honor. 'Forever Mom.'