The Benefit of Dreams

I lived with the man fifteen years and never dreamt of him. Why did I think it might change after he passed away?

I was eager to dream of my late husband, Rob. In those first few days, weeks, and months I was desperately wanting to reconnect with him if even briefly in a dream. Can you guess the outcome? Yes! You are correct: I did not dream of him for several months. 

1. Maintaining a connection

I know some people say, "Oh, I never even remember my dreams." I'm not one of those people. From an early age I have been blessed with myriad and colorful dreams. I've been through many stages in my dreaming. For years I had those flying dreams. Flying was always hard work for me. Really difficult to take off, pretty hard to sustain gliding flight, and not at all difficult to land. Earth was always calling me back. I don't interpret dreams for anyone but myself, but flying seems to be reinstating the connection with angels. 

Throughout my life I have dreamt of junior high (seventh and eighth grades). The difference in timetables must've made a lasting impression on my subconscious since I have dreamt about that time ever since. In most of the dreams I am lost in the school and either trying to find my classroom or trying to find the office. I can assure you that never happened to me in real life so I am at a loss why it made such a mark on my dream life. I've always had a pretty strong sense of direction in my waking hours. 

After my Bachelor's degree, I became a teacher. No big surprise there. Guess I needed to finally conquer those demons of where, actually, my classroom was located. (heh heh) I still often dream of people at work and work-related situations. None of those situations ever happened in real life, though. One of my repeating dreams is that my school catches on fire. It never did and I have no idea why I keep dreaming of that scenario. The building was ancient and I did think about it being a fire hazard from time to time. 

You can intuit that I was VERY worried that I would never have dreams about my Robert since he had no connections to my school life and also, I didn't know him during my childhood school days. I waited patiently and was eventually "rewarded" with some interesting and fulfilling dreams of my One Love. 

2. Mitigating the crushing loneliness of grief

As outlined in the blog linked in the previous paragraph, in my first dream of him, Bob showed me what Heaven is like. I enjoyed the tour! When I awoke I was amazed and felt love coursing through my entire body. Another occasion, I dreamt that we were having a new house built and it was nearly ready. We were much younger--younger even than when I had first met him. When I awoke I was filled with peace and tranquility. I felt as if I had just been formally introduced to my husband during his youth. That was something I had always wished for. In another vivid dream, my husband was driving our car and went out of his way to help someone at the side of the road. When I awoke from that dream, I felt authenticated in some way. Robert always gave generously of his time to anyone who asked and he was very skilled at many tasks, so...you know...generally a useful person to have as a friend. Very few people know just how generous and giving he really was. 

In each of my dreams, I woke up feeling joy, peace, tranquility, and other positive emotions. Those were the same emotions I felt when he was alive. Also, when he was living, I felt grateful. To date, I have not experienced gratefulness as a result of my dreams but who knows if that will manifest soon?

I look at dreams--my nighttime entertainment--as being the counterpart to some bleak days. As time passes and my daytime positivity grows, there is less to balance out. It's like the Universe provides us with a time out in the form of dreams, so that our isolating, crushing grief doesn't become who we are. Sometimes it becomes temporarily what we are, but not who we are. 

I love dreams; I love remembering dreams. Sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night, mid-dream, I am afraid that by morning I may forget. So I just grab my handy iPad tablet and record a movie. I talk about what the dream concerned and how I feel. It just takes a couple of minutes. No need to turn on the lights or grab a pen and paper. 

Dreams are the counterweight that keep us on an evenly balanced fulcrum. The benefit of dreams is that they protect me from depression, loneliness and the continuing trauma of extended grief. Thank heaven for dreams!