Rocks, Angels, and 18 months

                                               Rocks, Angels, and 18 months

     Eighteen months is a long time; it's a short time-it's the length of time it has taken me to realize where God and David want me to be.
      David's death was devastating and traumatic and crushed not only my heart but my soul, my faith, my very existence. My husband, my true love, my best friend, my soul mate was gone...forever.
      A huge boulder was dropped on/into my life and shattered it into tiny pieces that, like a puzzle, were almost impossible to put back together. I was in a huge, dark hole without even a dot of light. When I fell into that hole, I fell hard. I saw no way out and sadly, really didn't want to. That hole was quickly comfortable, even though it was cold and dark and very lonely. It became my new home.
      MY home...to allow or not what enters there. I have the keys and for a while, I kept the doors locked tightly. Whatever I needed, I already had with me. I needed, nor wanted, anything more from anyone.
      God snuck in. He reached down to me with His loving hand outstretched...and He waited. He knew I wouldn't, I couldn't grasp onto it. He waited.
      While He waited, He acted behind the scenes. He sent my family, my friends, my church family to help get me out of that place. He knew how deep that place was....He waited.
      Time went slowly by-a glimmer, a baby step, a slip, a fall, a light. He continued to reach down and He waited.
      As an angel, a soldier in His army, and behind the scenes, Marcia did what God asked of her. She had help from others as I would allow. She was a pest-a pest for God! He was leading her to lead me out of the hole, back to my life, back to my faith.
      My faith, my relationship with God never ceased but it certainly took a big hit. I was never angry with Him...I just could not understand-even now sometimes, I don't. I never hated Him although I sure hated the trial I was going through. My faith was almost completely at the bottom of that hole.
      And there was Marcia-God helped her sneak in the back door, too! She listened, we talked, I yelled, I ran, she chased, I fell, she picked me up. This cycle went on for a long time--months. One step forward, two steps back at times.
      Another angel also held me up, took my hand, showed love and understanding...Crystal, my Texas rock. You don't wanna know what you get when you put an angel and a rock together!
      Marcia was there, Crystal was there, God was there, David was there.
      David left this world but he never left me. He's always with me, by my side, holding my hand, steadying me so I don't fall. And he encourages me. He wants my faith to grow and be stronger. He told me this a while before he passed away. But down in that cold, dark hole it was too hard to remember and understand all of that.
      Finally, with angels and rocks and God's hand reaching out to me, I realized that David's hand was also there, right beside God's! My heart fluttered and then soared as I finally recalled what David and God intended for my life.
      Eighteen months is a long time--when you're in a cold, dark, lonely hole,. Eighteen months is but a blink in God's eyes as He watches, soothes, and reaches for fallen angels/soldiers.
      I'm not there...I'm not where David and God want me to be yet. But I'm out of that dark hole and thankful for God, David, and rocks and angels.