Dispelling The Myth That It Just Takes Time

When my best friend, my hero, my Dad died, I thought that I was going to die too. In a way, I did die. My broken heart and my longing to see and talk to him was more than I could bear. The painful thought of living without him kept me in a prolonged isolated state. He died four days after Christmas and despite all the pines of my Christmas tree being on the floor, the dead tree stayed in place until mid-February.

Statistics say that it can take five to eight years to recover from a devastating loss. It indeed took me even longer to work through the painful emotions as I tried to understand it all. I felt so alone. I felt no one understood. I felt that every Christmas going forward would have no meaning. That was my Dad. How could his only child survive without him? Yes, I was grown with children, but that didn't matter.

"It just takes time," everyone told me. Family members, friends, the funeral director, church members... they all consoled me by telling me that "Time heals all wounds. Time will pass and you will feel better." So, I waited on time and time passed and time passed. Sure, time will always change things, situations, and we even change with time. But what about my broken heart?

No one ever told me that there was help. No one ever shared about this thing called the grief journey, the grief experience, or the grief work. No one told me that I wasn't alone, or that my feelings were normal and natural responses to loss.

If you are where I was, this message is for you. You are not alone, and you don't have to wait on time alone for that sinkhole to open. Here are three suggestions to help you navigate the wilderness of grief.

1. Give yourself permission to grieve. Acknowledge that the painful emotions you are feeling are normal and natural responses to loss, so go ahead and feel them, whatever they are for you... anger, sadness, guilt, regret, loneliness, disappointment, fear... whatever they are.

2. Understand that no one can tell you how to grieve. Just as we have our unique DNA or fingerprint, our grief journey will be unique to us. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is no Standard Operating Procedure (SOP) for grief.

3. Accept that the only way out, or to see light again, is to go through. Make the decision to experience your grief so that you can move forward and live your life. Yes, you have an obligation to live your life for the rest of your life. How can you honor the life and legacy of your loved one? What legacy will you leave?

Your life going forward will be different, but it can have meaning and purpose.

Love and light to you on your grief journey.

Download the free eBook, When Will the Pain Go Away at http://www.fromgrieftogratitude.com.

Dora Carpenter is Founder and Program Director of From Grief to Gratitude Coach Certification Program. As a From Grief to Gratitude Certified Coach, you will have the knowledge, skills, resources, and confidence to coach clients through the transformative process of handling the painful emotions of losing a loved one, getting on top of their grief, and moving forward in life with meaning and purpose in the shortest time possible. To find a coach or learn to become a coach and help others through the grieving process, visit http://www.fromgrieftogratitude.com.