DEATH BRAIN: WHY I FORGET SO MUCH

Oh, you know. That thing. The one with the--uh--the thing. You know. The thing!
DEATH BRAIN. 

Widow's Brain.

 
You just seem to be forgetting more than you can remember. And it happened right after your loved one passed.

 
Believe me, I have experienced it, too, and it was super annoying to say the least. When my Mom passed away, I thought I was handling the grief in a totally appropriate and conservative manner; however, I did keep forgetting important details in my daily life. 
I would forget names of items. I would forget to include specific ingredients in recipes. I could not remember previous events that, before, had been easy to remember. 

I started to use an online calendar and depended on it. 
I started to use a written grocery list for the first time.

If you're reading this, perhaps you have experienced DEATH BRAIN, too?
In the case of my death brain following my Mom's passing, I regained the memory loss in a few months. I realized that I hadn't really grieved her death properly so I gave in to tears, focused on my loss for a while (not a long while) and slowly but surely, my memory returned. 
(One thing I can say, is that my family really appreciated my memory recall in terms of recipes! I was able to return to work refreshed and my old self, once more.)

DEATH BRAIN FOLLOWING A SPOUSE'S DEATH
After Rob passed, I was fully expecting my upcoming memory loss. It was not as sharply delineated as in the decade previously when Mom died but little by little I did notice how pervasive and intrusive it was in my life as a widow. 

I realized, also, that Rob had scaffolded my memory with his own (which was phenomenal). As it turned out, there were just so many things I depended on him for--especially brain power or memory attributes--that made living without him even more difficult. I don't discount my own prowess in the "brain power" scheme of things, either. 

For some of us, death brain may certainly be a temporary response to grief. With proper nutrition and sleep, especially sleep, you will return to your normal memory-self. 
For others--and I include myself in this group--the grief following a spouse's death just seems to be more permanent. As if my brain actually changed from grief. There are data to support this theory but since I have experienced both temporary and permanent effects of grief, I'd have to posit that grief is serendipitous. It does what it wants when it wants. 

My life now is normal for the New Me, the person I became (my personality) after my husband left this earth. I am a more serious, introverted me, than before. 

I take every opportunity to leave memory tasks to external devices. I still use an online calendar with reminders. I keep text messages so I can refer back to events and dates. I read recipes, every time, to make sure I am not leaving out certain key ingredients. (Okay, okay. I do like to experiment: more often than not I deliberately leave out ingredients or make substitutions just for a change!) 

I deliberately challenge my memory with computer apps, games, and learning programs (I'm NOT going to name them here, but you know the ones I mean: the ones that challenge your memory in math or language based activities). I'm definitely not as speedy as I once was but I still score well. 

DEATH BRAIN is real. It's long lasting (sometimes). You just never know. In the meantime, all you can do is rely on external methods (such as calendars or a thesaurus) and for me, I stopped focusing on what I had lost and started to focus on what I had. 
Gratitude saved the day!!!

author, Linda Knappett