Grief is draining. Exhausting. No wonder there are times when nothing seems to matter much anymore.
From the Grieving Heart:
On some days, like today, I don't want to do anything.
I'm drained. Exhausted. Life feels so heavy. Nothing seems to matter much. I find myself asking, "So what?"
What does it matter if I get up today and do what I'm supposed to do? Who cares?
We chase after possessions and prestige. We climb whatever ladder is set in front of us, struggling and competing to get to the top. And then what? Ultimately, we die. And we may lose anything and everything along the way up.
Life seems pointless at times. Maybe my heart is waving the white flag, ready to surrender the battle of trying to make sense of your leaving and this new, unwanted life I find myself in. I don't enjoy what I used to. All is dull and drab. I have no motivation. I'm a big ball of do-nothing and go-nowhere. I'm in a hole, and I want to crawl in deeper.
Apathetic. That's what I am. Am I going downhill here? Is this temporary? Can I get out of this hole? Will I want to?
Too many questions. No wonder I'm exhausted.
Apathy can be a part of grief.
When life drains us, apathy is often not far behind. We simply don't have the energy to care. All our resources have been marshaled into survival mode. Our systems are focused on maintaining enough equilibrium that we can adjust, recover, and eventually heal over time. Our batteries have automatically switched into energy-saving mode.
No wonder we're not as motivated. It's enough of a battle to keep going and doing life from day to day. Times of loss and heavy emotion are typically not seasons for making big decisions and trying to move ahead. This season is one of grief. And grief is necessary to process and heal from a loss.
At some point, it's healthy if we consider and alter our expectations of ourselves to fit where we are. Our main agenda is to guard our heart and grieve in as healthy a way as possible. All else is secondary. As we grieve well, the rest of life will fall into place over time.
For now, the goal is to be patient with ourselves, others, and our current routine. We might feel pointless, meaningless, and apathetic. We might feel like we're stuck in a pit with no way out. As we grieve, this will change.
Thankfully, now is not forever.
Even if I feel empty and apathetic, I'll be patient with myself. I trust that this will change over time.
Adapted from the book, Comfort for Grieving Hearts: Hope and Encouragement for Times of Loss. To watch a brief video about the book, click here.