I am a mother before I am anything else, I strive to be the role model I want my daughter to be as she grows.  From the pain to the happiness I always make sure that through me she will see that nothing in life can keep you down, that through it all no matter where you are you will always be able to conquer the dreams you hold from within you.  That through me she knows there is always hope, that there is always belief, there will always be a light in you no matter how dark.  If anything it is us our child/children look up to every day of the life they live as they grow. 
Through this past year losing my husband has brought out such horrific pain yet it has brought out the gift I have always held inside me that I have been over looking for so long.  It is through this past year I have truly been tested, each as well as every time I have stood up, knowing my daughter deserves to see just what exactly we are capable of in this life we live, for her I want her to see strength, challenges, I want her to see that no matter how dark she will always be able to turn on her own light.  When she looks up to me as her role model I want her to know in her heart there is nothing we can not do in this life, that together we will always be a light shinning brighter then any other light known.  That although we have lost part of our heart that it will always be there, that piece will never leave us, although broken it is in that piece where that special love will always remain, that her father although unseen will forever wrap us in his love, that forever he will be our strength.
So yes I am a mother, I am a dreamer, I am a strong person who knows deep inside just what it is I am here to do, through my husband passed has left me a gift, a gift to share with other broken grieving hearts.  it is his unconditional love that I carry with me out in the world to touch all that I can.  I understand within all of me that dreams are our reality waiting for us to set it free.  I am a woman that strongly holds the love of great light, that through me I can mend as many grieving hearts as needed.  My dreams unfolding happen through this all, writing a book for grieving with Michael Lawrence backed by Scott Lazerson, that just the other day was a dream but as I type it now is a reality.  Becoming a group grief counsellor is happening in the new year, that too has been a long time dream now becoming a reality.  As I type the biggest of all becoming a celebrity blog for the grieving, being able to take this blog to t.v, sounds like a big dream yet in my heart in due time there is not one thing that I can not make my reality.  I always say and know in my heart "I want to be the legacy that mended all the broken grieving hearts" to this day I know my heart, my love is stronger then anything that steps in my way, I know in time as I unveil all of my fears my dreams will be there, these dreams will be there.  That's the funny thing about dreams,  say it out loud to get your words out in to the universe, it will hear you.
A dream that never thought of has presented itself to my life OWNAMBASSADORS, OWNTV, all due to Oprah leading them in to my life, these people were sent into my life at the most perfect of time that typing this still stuns me that just how perfect the timing was, to have these beautiful, bright lights shine through all my darkness is truly what opened my heart to this new world I see, that has always been around me, not noticing due to my own darkness. I believe strongly within my heart that when life sends to you a dream never thought of that it is God sending you his love through others in your time of need.  They say "God never gives you what you can't handle", yes that is the truest of all and is why we are sent the most beautifulest of angels. 
This blog is dedicated to the universe, my words are said out loud, I know in little by little I will unveil my dreams as time goes forward, as I face challenges that lay in front of me, carrying the truest of love with me there will be nothing that can not be done, that through this love I hold to share around me the pieces will naturally come together like a puzzle being done by our very own fingers.  As life continues to go by, we have to understand that in us all we have ever thought of is evolving, no matter how long, how short, it all becomes that one big picture we have envisioned for so long.  No matter who we can not see by our side, that no matter who we have lost they now lay in the universe to bless our dreams, our thoughts, they are not to be seen just felt, they remain with us all along.  This little ole me can change anything she sees fit, the power of your beliefs are unstoppable, the power of your life is stronger then anything you can think of.  Dreams are all around you, in the most strangest of places thought of waiting for you.
So with me I take our love, I move to a life that I have always dreamed of with our beautiful little girl, we move forward to the life we always thought of, yes as we look beside us someone is missing yet we know he really is there, just not to be seen.  I know now that in your pain lays your blessings, in your lows lays your strength teaching you just how strong you have become.  I know in your lowest you build a foundation that can never ever be broken, as high as the clouds.  No matter how low you go there is never any where else to go to but as high as the clouds.  When you feel at your lowest smile knowing that in that low is a little blessing waiting for you to find, allow yourself to open your heart, to feel your love, to use your love.  So I am a mother, yet in the motherhood I've become love, I've become a role model, I've become a woman making her life the best that we could of ever dreamed of. 
Today grief is something all people are speechless about, it is a topic that is voodoo to so many, in due time this little ole me will make that blossom, people will talk freely of it, out loud, no one will feel uncomfortable to speak the words of loss, everyone will understand how it is to be comfortable, to be able to approach those that grieve, grieving is like sex back in the day so hush, hush, but today I make it no longer hush, hush, I will make it as natural as it is to talk about sex.  Little ole me has a vision, yet I know in me there are no obstacles I can not do, I know within me alone that if fought long enough it will be.  Within us all is a person with a special quality to change this world for the better, we just have to reach in us to fight to find it.  I am so proud that in my life my husband passed was a gift to prove to me unconditional love exists, that within him was a gift to gift to my life, to open my heart, mind along with soul to what it was my special quality was to change this world.

So in this life we live there are always something for us to dream of, there are always challenges that make us move from our comfort zones yet it is in that space where we need to be to find little pieces of our dreams, it is in us all to understand that not one person does not possess these little pieces of dreams.  Mothers out there this is a job that is truly like no other, the toughest job we bare yet in us all lays the truest, greatest of role models for our child /children to look up to, to know that through us their life is a shinning light to never be shaded.  Being a mother is truly the one greatest of miracles we carry with us through our entire life, every single day.  Its a blessing to us all to use it with nothing but pure, unconditional love.  Show our child/children that nothing is impossible, show them that love is what needs be in this world.  I say that no matter how big or small dreams are they are ours to happen, they are ours to teach us things in this life we live.  Say it out loud for everyone to hear, let the universe share your words. 
This was all intended to be a biography yet has turned into so much more, this all I can truly say is a piece of my heart, secrets that I have always felt shy to say ALOUD, yet in that fear of speaking out loud I come to realise that it is just that,  a fear, in that fear I know lays my dream, to say out loud uncovers it, fears no longer will take control of my thoughts, tonight I make peace with the fears, I know that in them all pieces of the puzzle to my dream will connect.  Make peace within you to feel nothing but quietness all around, take the stand to boot the fear out for good.  Tonight I type away a little piece of my heart, thoughts that I have never really wanted to say out loud, yet it is in the out loud dreams are being made.  Always speak out loud, keep nothing in silence, no worries of what others may say, feel, think, its not them to be worried about, your life is for you, your special gift is for you no matter what others may think of it.  Always say to anything presented to you that seems over powering "BRING IT ON" not anything over powers your love nor your strength, in that challenge is your lesson in your life you need to be taught.
NOTE TO ALL:  Be the person that you were gifted to be to this world, deep down inside you is someone to change this world for the best, not one person is hollow with out this.  Take your love gifted to you to use it out in the world you are in.  Perhaps through you and your experiences lays a teacher to someone else that crosses your path. 
Tonya o

Article Images

About the Author
BLOGGER FOR ALL GRIEVING ON THE JOURNEY TO WRITING A BOOK "Spouse to Angels in the City" Widow for 11 months also mother of a beautiful little girl
I'm Grieving, Now What?