Thriving After a Loss

I watched a very illuminating Tedx talk by Geoff Warburton titled "The Adventure of Grief." Psychologist, writer and innovator, Geoff has spent 25 years studying love and loss. He challenges conventional apathy to grief and loss and offers an alternative approach which combines Eastern wisdom traditions, psychology and common sense. Curiosity, openness and compassion, he says, help us go beyond "surviving" grief to "thriving." According to him, loss through bereavement can become an adventure instead of a problem to be solved.

Geoff's understanding of "survive" versus "thrive" came from his two grandmothers. One had lost both her brothers in a World War, and also a young husband. The other grandmother had lost two infants due to lack of medical care, and a husband working in a coal mine to lung disease.

One grandmother survived; the other thrived. And what made the difference was their approach and attitude. One had grown world-weary and closed off her heart; the other embraced loss as part of life and continued to engage with life.

Death and grief are part of the mortal experience. "No matter how tragic the circumstances, it is not life cheating you. You cheat life when you close your heart after a loss," says Warburton.

It's the difference between asking Why Me or Why Not Me.

People who don't let grief close their hearts embrace more than their emotions; they embrace whatever grief brings them. If you feel rage, anger, terror, sadness or guilt, allow yourself to embrace it all. Don't push it away. Because when you close your heart to emotional pain, you also shut yourself off to the joys of life. They're two sides of the same coin. You can't have one without the other.

Here are some questions for you to consider:

1. If you're grieving a loss, how have you numbed yourself from feeling the pain?
2. What is one thing you can do today to open your heart?
3. Who in your life can help you take that first step toward thriving?

Answering the above questions will help you to begin to open yourself up to a new way of being. With acceptance comes healing. And with healing comes the ability to feel and experience joy again.

Uma Girish is a certified dream coach, author and speaker. Her book "Understanding Death: 10 Ways to Inner Peace for the Grieving" is available on Amazon, B&N and iTunes. Visit http://www.umagirish.com to subscribe to her blog "The Grammar of Grief."