Significant Dates

December is a month filled with a disproportionate amount of emotion for my family.  Like so many others we will come together along with friends to celebrate Christmas. 

But, December is also the month that my brother celebrated his birthday and then, three years ago today, December became the month we would in the future commemorate his passing. 

Today a number of us posted to his memorial page on Facebook.  It was where we all came together to say a word or two in recognition of the day that changed our lives because someone we loved passed.  It was a place where all of us, no matter what the distance, could feel united in our love for someone who is sorely missed.

While reflecting on this day, I wondered how it came to be that someone's life was reduced to just two dates, the day they were born and the day they passed.  What about all the dates in the middle?  The real dates.  The dates that celebrate who they were while they were here. The dates they experienced the highs and lows of being part of this world.  What if, in the future, instead of focusing on the date they passed, we made an effort to remember other dates that were significant?

I could just hear my brother saying how ridiculous it is for us to waste so much time focusing on the one day he had no control over when instead we should be focusing on dates that were really important to him.  Like the day he took his first step.  His very first day of school.  The day he lost his first tooth. The day of his first kiss.  The day he married the woman he loved or the day he held each of his children for the first time.  The birthdays and of course his wonderful 4th of July parties.  Those are the days he'd want celebrated.  Of that I have no doubt.  And he would be right. 

My nephew had the foresight to post something truly inspired about celebrating his Dad’s life.  My sister in law commented that, Yes, she tends to focus on the bad (his fight with cancer and subsequent passing) that she forgets to think about the good and fun times.

And that is the point I wanted to make here. 

In our sorrow and our grief, the emotions that know no bounds, we sometimes focus on what we have lost to the point where there is an entire life we are forgetting to celebrate.  The joy of having had the honor of loving someone so deeply while they were here.  I choose not to forget that.  In my book "Coffee with my Brother," a book, I am convinced, was inspired by his whisper in my ear, I wrote, "Make happy memories. Make as many as you can." 

The pain never truly disappears; there will always be a part of our hearts that will forever bear the imprint of that person and our love for them.  But they, as we, are so much more than just two dates.  We are the culmination of all those dates in the middle that make us who we are so that when we pass, others will remember us for all the firsts and major milestones and not just for the date we depart from this life.