When Mourning Learn To Love In Separation

"Hate is not the opposite of love, the opposite of love is individuality."

D.H. Lawrence

Love is the single most powerful factor in coping well with all of the massive changes that life has to offer. If you cling to it and increase your ability to love, you will overcome any fear, make major inroads on loneliness and find personal peace. Allow inner peace to become a major goal throughout life and love the eternal gateway to that goal.

Loving in separation is all about increasing your ability to express love for and to the loved one who is no longer physically present in your life. It is built on your acceptance that the beloved is in spirit, knows what is in your heart, and wants to know that the relationship will live on forever. Yes, even as you have to go on with your new life.

So where does learning to love in separation begin?

1. First, remember that when our loved ones move into spirit we are responsible for establishing a new relationship with them; it is one of the major tasks of grieving. The relationship is based on memories, traditions you both created and practiced, and the constant awareness that love never dies. You will always have an eternal, growing relationship. This is a two-way connection. Believe it and live it.

2. Commit to spreading his or her message. Carefully examine the various ways your loved one contributed to life and those characteristics that made him or her special. Review your memory bank for specific or repetitive actions that you can copy and practice. Or develop some of those characteristics to be used in helping others, if you are lacking in them. The point is: keep his or her love alive and vital through your actions.

3. Speak openly and frankly with him or her. The vast majorities of people I have counseled over the years periodically speak or write to their beloved. This is healthy. Do not allow scientific materialism to cow you into believing that talking to people you can't see is somehow a form of pathology. Nothing could be further from the truth. As French writer Antoine de Saint Exurpery put it: "What is essential is invisible to the eye."

4. Give the beloved outward recognition at key times of the year. As part of the new relationship to your loved one create rituals and routines to practice at holidays, anniversaries, and family gatherings. It can be something as meaningful as mentioning his or her name and an item that was a favorite of the beloved to telling a story about them or giving a formal toast before a big meal. Some mourners have a personal weekly, even a daily ritual, they practice.

5. Look for signs and know that the beloved wants you to continue to grow and develop your higher consciousness. Numerous bereaved individuals report signs or messages from their loved ones who have passed. They come in many forms: visitation dreams, aromas, their voices, a touch or a hug to name a few. Feel free to ask your loved one to help you by sending a sign or interceding for you to a Higher Power to allow a sign to come to your attention.

6. As a motivator for all of the above, look into the concept that we are united to all things. That is, we are not merely united to all humans but to all living things. Meditate on the implications of these universal connections. What does it say about how we relate to others as well as our deceased loved ones? What does it say about thoughts of the self and our importance? What does it say about giving and receiving and turning some of our individuality into increased love for the world we live in and all we come in contact with?

That we are connected to everything is an ages old concept passed on through the centuries, not some New Age gibberish. Study and become a voracious reader of some of the millions of life-changing experiences reported by individuals that do not conform to the existing rules of science. It will change your life and allow you to grow through the great loss you now face.