This is how grief feels......

I'm thinking to myself "how exactly do I get thru the struggles of my day when all I really think about is my son?" Indirect thoughts are always there...whether or not you think you are thinking about him. Unfocused ,unclear...headaches..stomach issues....insomnia....all related to Grief. As I try to work my way thru my grief,now almost 8 years have passed. I understand my son,Keith will not be coming home. I understand this. What I have trouble with, is processing the terrible tragedy. I fear I will never stop crying if I allow myself to accept my feelings. So..I go to my wonderful groups,I go to my counselor,and I continue to allow the reels to play in my head. They remind me every second,of every day what we were, what we had and what we lost. I am not in one sad state at any given time. What I am ,actually is a broken Mom in disbelief that my once beautiful ,yet flawed family is broken. My brown eyed boy with the perfect ,white,straight teeth is gone.Never to return. That leaves me breathless. I left with him that day. Part of me returned, completely changed...and much older than I am. I continue to work on myself,daily..one foot in front of the other..one step at a time....with my eyes straight ahead .....always wondering...wondering if I have a shadow helping lighten my load....