When You Lose Someone Close

Particular times are often especially poignant, times like anniversaries, birthdays, as can places and things. But it's possible to find some comfort from knowing that your loved ones would want you to continue with your life, would hope that you would reflect and enjoy the memories from those special dates, times and places, then smile and remember them with affection. They would want you to celebrate their influence and the personal growth you made from the time you spent together.When you lose someone close they would surely want you to continue on your journey and make the most of your life, value the chances and opportunities that come your way.

When you lose someone close they would surely say:

- Remember me with affection. For some people there is comfort in keeping things the same after a loss or bereavement, and indeed it's often wise not to rush into hasty decisions like moving home or changing things immediately. Allow time to grieve, to cry, to talk about them, perhaps even feel anger that they've gone and left you behind. Counselling can help you to understand the process of grieving, the different emotions that are often experienced, the mood changes that may need to be worked through. Eventually there will come a time when you're able to accept what's happened and begin to smile as you remember them with affection.

- Remember my story. Gradually start to share and enjoy their anecdotes, photographs and stories. Laugh at having experienced those times together. Many people enjoy recalling times when there were minor mishaps; the ruined dinner party, the torn outfit, the waiter who tripped and fell over or the car breaking-down on a busy road may be examples. Family get-togethers are great times to laugh, share stories and enjoy each other's recollections of past times. New stories and information are often remembered, even years later.

- Remember my wisdom. Life experiences bring important lessons into all our lives. A loved one may have been a rock to us, solid, wise and dependable, readily sharing advice, opinions, pithy sayings which were helpful at significant times like decision-making, dealing with a problem or giving insight into a situation. Remembering with affection their wisdom, what they would have said or done can bring comfort and reassurance, a feeling of not being alone. When you lose someone close reflect and allow their influence to continue to bring you help and guidance.

- Remember with affection my flaws, bad habits, those things that drove you crazy. These are the things that are often most missed, are remembered with affection, laughed and cried about. When children grow up and leave home parents often miss the noise, the wet towels, piles of papers and dirty plates scattered everywhere. The house suddenly feels too tidy and quiet, empty and maybe even rather lonely. Even when the children do come to visit it's often never the same again.

And so it is with bereavement; the things that were irritating, perhaps even annoying now become mourned for and sadly missed. The missing familiar snoring or restless partner now means it's hard to drift off to sleep. How you wish you could still complain about your eggs being cooked the wrong way or remonstrate about the constant tardiness or noise that were all evidence of that person's presence in your life.

When you lose someone close it's important to take time to mourn, perhaps get help through counselling and hypnotherapy and gradually come to remember those things with affection. That special person will always be a part of your life, of your memories and be a significant contributor to who you are each day.

Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief and with couples experiencing relationship difficulties to improve communications and understanding. Her book 'Dealing with Death, Coping With the Pain', ISBN 978 09565 08928, is available from Amazon, Waterstones and her website.

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