I Don't Want To Be Strong....

Some days I get so tired of hearing how strong I am. I don't feel very strong...I feel lost some days, like I'm in a fog and can't find my way out. I don't feel strong when my emotions are all over the place....when the tears come and my heart feels like it's breaking in pieces....

I don't want to be strong...I have lost the man I love and my best friend way too early...we had so many plans and now those plans are just memories....

I don't want to be strong...I want to scream at people to quit saying that!!! 

I don't want to be strong...I don't want to hear that Tony is in heaven and not struggling to breathe...I KNOW this but it doesn't make it any easier...

I am not angry at Tony or at God....Tony struggled so very much to breathe but in the end his IPF was just too much and his heart was tired from working overtime and he lost his fight on 3/20/2014.

This month is a tough one....Tony will be gone 6 months and our 12th wedding anniversary is on the 27th....

I don't want to be strong....