a mother trying to raise awareness after son's sucide

Hi my name is misty allen I'm 36 years old and I have 4 beautiful children even thoe one took his own life on 8/27/14 over an argument with his girlfriend.  I'll never understand why but that's not the point he's gone he was 15 1/2 years old left behind a little brother an older sister and younger sister who we all miss him deeply . zachary's pain is gone and now all of us here on earth carry it. I found him that wenesday morning hanging on his bedroom door,  I couldn't get to him I had to run outside a run with a rock through his sliding glass door I got the strap and belt off his neck layer him down tried cpr but it was to late it had been hours.i sill find myself getting angry because he was fine that night happy laughing going to seek out at 11 with the neighbor girl's,  but his love and the help of his meds took over my son would never give me this pain never. 

Life is hard but we have to have the coping skills to survive . I call these relationships between young couple bullying because that's what it is trying to see who can use there words to hurt the other person worse.i can be angry at anyone but my son and I'm not even angry at him anymore he wasn't thinking in his right mind. I love him he was a great kid he loved fishing, hunting football  .I just wanted to get so pain off my chest thanks for listening

Oh and on jan 31 2015 we are burying his ashes and celebrating his life