How Can You Honor Friends Who Have Died?

I’m a grandmother and my friends are dying. One of the first to die was a college friend of my husband’s. His death was followed by the deaths of other fraternity friends. Some of my college classmates have died as well and seeing their obituaries in the college magazine is painful. The death of a friend reminds me of my own mortality.

My father-in-law, one of the most caring people I’ve ever met, didn’t react much to a friend’s death. His lack of reaction puzzled me. Now that I’m in my seventies I understand his approach. The remaining days of his life were extremely precious and Dad wanted to enjoy them to the fullest.

“He (or she) was a wonderful person,” Dad would say. “I will miss him (or her).” Then he would continue with his plans and enjoy the day. In many ways, this approach was a tribute to his deceased friends. I wondered how I could honor friends who have died and you may have wondered, too. Here are some suggestions.

Remember them with stories. Verbalize your memories and laugh about the experiences you shared. Some of your stories may be about the ways you solved a problem together. Telling stories, and saying your friend’s name, helps to keep them alive in your mind.

Donate to a health organization. If a friend died of a heart attack, you may wish to donate to the American Heart Association or its local chapter. The hospital in your town or city may have a fund for people who are short of funds, and you could make a contribution to it.

Honor your friend’s interests. Perhaps your friend loved to garden. You could donate books about gardening to the public library or money to buy gardening books. The library will be glad to put a bookplate in the front, saying the book was donated in memory of your friend.

Give your time. Volunteer in memory of your friend. You may become a docent at an art museum, or guide tours at the history center. My hometown newspaper has a column titled “You are Needed,” which lists the latest volunteer opportunities. Your local newspaper may have a similar section.

Share your training and talents. An elementary school may need reading and math tutors – two things you could easily provide. If you’re an artist you may give free painting classes to kids. Are you a whiz at organizing? Many organizations would appreciate your talent.

Savor your life. Dennis Chandler, author of “Honor a Deceased Friend by Living an Enriched Life,” on the Sacred Beads website, thinks the death of a friend helps us see life and death with new awareness. The death of a dear friend helped Chandler “to refocus my life, to identify what is sacred . . .”

Though your deceased friends are not physically present, they are present in your memories and daily actions. Deceased friends are still part of you – part of your soul.