One of the things that alarms most new widows is the fear of forgetting. Nearly all of us are afraid that those precious memories will slip away from us into the recesses of our brain, never to be retrieved again. While that’s rarely what happens, we are able to summon up those warm recollections when we want to, nevertheless, the anxiety about losing them only adds to our distress. It doesn’t have to be that way.
This was originally written in December 2011:
Saturday, I awoke and could not motivate myself to work in the morning. Instead I wasted about two hours of time watching Youtube videos until the gym opened and I could go work out. I thought a lot during that workout what it was that was putting me in this state… then it hit me.
I returned home form the gym and new what I needed to do, something I had been avoiding doing for one and a half years.
As we enter into the holiday season we have choices:
We can choose to focus on how hard it will be without our loved one(s) physically present (essentially deciding that from now until 2020 is going to be: hard, sad, depressing, etc...
We can also choose an alternative focus like focusing on spending the holiday season in the way we know in our hearts our loved one(s) would want us to spend this special time of year.
This year is coming to a close and a new one is around the corner. Some of you have seen several new years arrive as widows; some are still completing your year of "firsts"...first birthday, first anniversary, first holidays without you mate. Wherever you are, this time of year is a good time to spend some quiet moments dreaming. Dream of what's next. Dream of who you want to become now. Dream of places you would like to go and things you would like to do. What does 2020 look like for you?
At holiday time when we're supposed to be feeling joyous, many people are instead feeling lonely, depressed and grief-stricken. Adding to their pain, people who care about them might not understand or recognize their plight or know how to help.
Mary Lee Robinson, a certified grief expert, author, and editor of a lifestyle magazine for widows is encouraging people to start two new traditions this year.
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Self Gift in Memory of Your Loved One[/caption]
Grief is one of the hardest emotional processes that a human being can go through. At the same time, amid life circumstances such as loss of loved ones or trauma, almost every person will go through a period of grief at one point in their life.
From as far away as Australia to the British Isles, from Canada to Nigeria, the Widowers Support Network hears the cries of men who mourn the loss of their wife, their soul mates, their partners in life. Widowed men don’t ask for much, never have, never will. After all, men who mourn are expected to “get over it,” right? You know, be a man. Mocho, if you will. Unfortunately, that’s not the way it was meant to be.
