This is the passing of child grief and self grief. I hope I can write this so you all understand what I am trying to say and if I don't succeed, you will let me know.
When Tim died, the normal everyday mask was torn off, like blinders from my eyes. I suddenly found that I had no filters, no mask, and no give a shit. It didn’t matter to me how people perceived me, or if they even came around, which they didn’t so the loss of filters is very serious. Once everything hits you, you are in a storm that the earth has never seen. If your grief, anger, and sorrow could swallow the whole world and spit it back out. You deal with pain so unknowable there are no words for it. It cannot be measured or boxed up. So what do we do with it?
Music therapy has been around a long time as a healing modality. It sure can be a big help when we need some mood-altering, can’t it? I’ve leaned on it a lot in the years since Pat has been gone. It even made an entrance in my head as my beloved husband lay in Critical Care during his last few days. Not in the way you might think, not the soft music that hospice workers suggest.
"Sometimes you don't get to bring them home...be assured they have found a new place that is safe, loving, caring, and waiting for you to join them."
I had never heard of “widow fog” or the fog of grief until I became a widow. You probably hadn’t either. It’s not something that non-grievers discuss. That meant that I was caught totally off guard when memory problems arose after Pat’s death. I really questioned if I was losing my mind. It really did feel as though I were in a fog.
Grief is one of the most powerful human emotions, and it often coupled with sadness. However, grief involves so much more than feeling blue, although this itself can be a profound emotion. When we lose something or someone that is dear to us, be it a job, our health, a pet, a relationship, or ultimately, a loved one, we experience a rollercoaster of emotions that cannot be defined by one single feeling. Sadness, yes, but so much more besides.
Where does one go from here? We have all of these dates and holidays bulldozing down on us and we are running scared. How much more pain can we be expected to take? Our days are already filled with so much pain we wonder how we can still be standing, talking, walking etc. Now comes the first anniversary, second, third, fourth of our loss. Ahead or behind comes the firsts for birthdays, holidays. By all the Gods, what can we do?
The loss of a spouse, no matter how old you are, is a traumatic experience. Not only are you losing your partner, but death also brings with it stress and anxiety related to financial security, changes in lifestyle, and even feelings of reduced personal safety.