Words for the Journey

Hope  & Happiness….

There were many things I thought I knew about life, but then a car accident took Brian’s & I felt like I didn’t know anything. As years pass, there are many things I didn't know that I have learned…

I didn't know that approaching year 10 would feel like those early years in some ways and that is okay. 

I didn't know that I could live again after losing Brian, or that I would even want to.

I didn’t know my grief for Brian would be stronger than my love for the living.

Loss and disappointment are real. It doesn't matter how big or small it is. It doesn't matter what or whom it is. It shows no prejudice - we will all experience it at some point in our lives...The sadness and grief that comes with it are VERY real and if you never acknowledge it, nor allow yourself to really feel it, it will NEVER get out of your way!

My husband and I were married forty-two years upon his death in 2012. He had been a smoker since age eighteen. He died young, only sixty one. We were in shock of course; hearing about the Cancer. I had to come out of my comfort zone and learn to drive in unfamiliar territory, to get him to his chemo treatments That was a huge step of confidence for me. I was his only help in the eleven months before he died. My oldest daughter, living with us was disabled and the other daughter lived in another state.

She died when I was 25.

Barely able to support myself but trying so hard. Riddled with emotional turmoil from a childhood of ups and downs. Now, at 25, without a mother, I dropped deep into grief. I stayed there for a long time.

My mother was a complicated figure in my life. She was a source of many things. Both comfort and pain. And I the same for her, she once said. 

I never bought flowers for your grave.
I visited once or twice but the stones felt cold
and you weren't there.
Instead I found you in your old garden
where you used to dig
And I placed seeds in the ground
and patted them down
like you once showed me how to do.
I sat back and watched your ghost
swaying, laughing, living
where the flowers grow free in the wild.

After a loved one dies, we want something to remember them by—a photo, snuggly shirt, or treasured object. In memory of your loved one, you may contribute to a health organization or volunteer in the community. But a linking object is something you can hold, and when you do, you feel closer to your loved one.

7 years this Sunday. Many things I thought I knew about life but then a car accident took Brian’s & I felt like I didn’t know anything.  As yrs pass, there are many things I didn't know that I have learned…

I didn't know that I could live again after losing one of the two kids I love more than life

I didn’t know my grief for Brian would be stronger than my love for the living those first 3 years. 

I didn’t know a pup named Luke would come in 2017 & save my life

I didn't know that I could cry so much 

If truth be told before loss self-care wasn’t something I thought about. I did what most of us do. Handle our stuff. After loss I found that self care was a necessity for me to survive. Self care! Do it! Today self care looks like me chilling on a Captain America float having a cocktail.