DEALING WITH THOSE CRAZY EMOTIONS

“I know this is going sound a little crazy, but I would never have thought grief was so emotional,” Sophia whispered.

I smiled. Sophia smiled too, and then giggled.

“That felt good,” she sighed. “But seriously, my emotions are over the top and all over the place. What do I do with them?”

Good question.

A Foundational Truth about Emotions

There is a foundational truth about emotions that everyone in grief needs to know: Feelings are not facts. They are just emotions.

In other words, our feelings are real, but they are not reality.

Here are some examples:

• We might feel very alone. We are in the sense that our loss is unique. But in another sense, we are never alone. Many have endured a similar loss, and many are going through it now.
• We could feel like crazy or like we’re about to come unhinged. Are we? Probably not. But we are in a crazy situation compared to our typical routine. Everything has changed. No wonder we question our sanity.
• We might have increased anxiety or even panic attacks. Anxiety is a natural reaction to loss. Our system is being hit by grief. All is not lost, and we will get through this.

Feelings are not facts. Emotions are real, but they are not reality.

So what can we do?

Handling Those Crazy Emotions

Feelings are meant to be felt. When the emotion comes, acknowledge it.

“I feel sad.”

“I’m really angry right now.”

“I feel so alone.”

“I feel empty and depressed.”

Voicing feelings out loud has tremendous value. Some keep a “feeling journal,” where they can write their emotions uncensored. Others share honestly in a support group or with trusted friends.

As we acknowledge emotions and feel them, we’re processing what’s happening in our hearts. We’re opening ourselves up to grieve well and to recover and heal.

Beware of Emotional Decision-making

Feelings are sneaky. They can dupe us. They can come on so strong that we doubt our ability to deal with them. We may want to run. They can be oppressive, wearing us down to where we’re willing to do almost anything to feel better.

That’s the danger zone.

Feelings are not facts. They are real, but they are not reality. Acknowledge and feel them, but don’t go making major, life-changing decisions based on them.

The desire to feel better can push people to unhealthy decision-making like hasty relationships and poor financial choices. People can revert to old addictions, or pursue new ones. This time of grief is hard enough. Who needs a pile of regrets on top of it all to deal with later?

Grief is designed to be felt. Healthy grieving is a key to healing our broken hearts.

Emotions will surface. As they come, acknowledge and feel them. 

Don’t get in a hurry. Take your time.

Be nice to yourself.

Remember to breathe.

(Adapted from HEARTBROKEN: Healing from the Loss of a Spouse; watch the Video :