Dreaded Grocery Store

It was the Kool-Aid Koolers. I am pretty sure they have been lurking in the juice aisle for years,but my VERY frequent grocery store trips don't take me to that aisle. I go frequently because I simply canNOT stand the grocery store since we lost Keith 9 years ago and i make brief,frequent trips and spend way too much money just grabbing stuff. Towards ,I would say the last year-when Keith was home- with his addiction battle, I had spent so much time figuring out what to make him so he WOULD eat....buying his favorites and shopping slowly....looking at kiwis...."should I get 4?" "is this a good day for egg salad?"  oh,what I put myself thru...and then the JOY when he would actually eat ! Now.....that very same grocery store has become unimaginable dread for me. I can't even LOOK at the gallons of milk. Cereal?? I grab my Raisin Bran from the top shelf while I practically run down that aisle. Ugghhh,but I make myself do it.

But yesterday....yesterday,I walked in,grabbed my cart and there -right to my left was an entire endcap of Red Kool -Aid Koolers. I had to look twice-the tops with the little notchy twist. My gosh,i couldn't breathe. I immediately flashed back to those sitting in my now discarded almond colored refrigerator...bought so many times and handed out to the neighborhood. Happier times,when darkness had not touched my family.For some reason, I can't stop thinking about the Koolers. They stopped me in my tracks. 

I forced my way thru the store,and in fact forgot a bag...and had to go back several hours later......Why???? I almost bought them. I wouldn't even look over there,but today,all I can think about is those Kool-Aid Koolers.

About the Author
My name is Lisa McCarthy.I am married 3o years now to Tim and we have two children.One is thankfully here with us,our beautiful daughter Randi,who is now 24 and our wonderful son Keith who left us and rocked our world at age 20, February 26,2006. To say we have not recovered would be an understatement.I can't fathom a life without my golden boy.Yet,I wake up every single day,and I go on. We go on. Thankful for memories and the terrific life we gave him....but it just isn't enough.Seven years have passed in a blur. A lifetime of this struggle?? I can't imagine.
Grief In Action