Everyone Wants Me to Feel Better

Loss can put us in a fog. Everything seems murky. Nothing is the same. Our hearts have been hit, but others don't understand. This can be frustrating and lonely.  

From the Grieving Heart:

I feel like a robot. I'm going through the motions. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything. Why can't life just stop for a while?

This is unfair. Even cruel. Everyone expects me to go on as usual, as if I'm doing great and the same person I was before you left. 

Ridiculous. I'm not the same. How could I be? If I just went on as before, what would that say about you and our relationship? 

You're important to me, whether you're here or not. I love you. I miss you. Why can't the world accept that? Why can't my own friends and family accept that?

Everyone wants me to feel better. No one wants me to be hurting. But how realistic is that? Expecting me to be “fine” is like expecting a head-on collision to have no effect whatsoever on the cars or people involved. 

People aren't supposed to leave. Yes, we all die. Yes, I know that's natural. But it’s all wrong somehow. You should be here.

I want you here. 

Yes, this is ridiculous.

It's a challenge to let grief be what it is

There is much about loss and grief which makes logical sense, but emotionally our hearts have trouble grappling with it. We're wired for relationship and built for connection. Over time, our lives become a web of relationships. When one strand is severed, our entire life-web reverberates with the shock. 

One person leaves and our whole life shakes. Much like breaking a leg, we become instantly focused on the pain and its source. What once was simple, like walking, has become excruciatingly painful and almost impossible. Routine, everyday life immediately changes into a set of Mount Everest-like challenges. 

The rest of the world seems unchanged. Others' webs have not been struck, and their lives move along as usual. It feels like we've been transported to another planet and are being forced to live a different life trying to navigate unruly emotions and unrealistic expectations. 

Ridiculous. Yes, that's a good word for it. 

Yes, there may be times we might feel like robots. We go through the motions, doing our best to stay functional. There is so much going on inside us, far more than we can understand, feel, or manage all at once. As much as possible, we take one moment, one step at a time. We let the grief be what it is. We try to accept ourselves as we are, in this moment. 

Affirmation:

I'll work on accepting myself while grieving, one moment, one step at a time.

Adapted from the newly released book, Comfort for Grieving Hearts: Hope and Encouragement for Times of Loss. To watch a brief video about the book, click here.