HOLIDAYS - When Old Pain Becomes Fresh Again

Pain runs deep. Grief scars are powerful, and sink into the darkest recesses of the heart. Catastrophic wounds can throw us into survival mode for a while.

No matter how old the wound, with the right trigger, the pain can become incredibly fresh again.

Grief is like that. And it’s especially challenging during the holiday season.

Grief Messes with our Sense of Time

“It all seems so strange. I can still see him in his recliner. I still hear him in the kitchen. I dream about him at night,” Ellen said.

“It's been eleven months, but it feels like yesterday. And here comes Thanksgiving. He always cooked and sliced the turkey. I don’t think I can do this,” she continued.

Death, loss, and trauma mess with our sense of time. For a while, it’s like life is in slow motion. Some people have memory gaps – periods of time during their grief or painful experiences that they don’t remember at all.

It can also seem like everything is happening at once, and life is flowing quickly past while you’re standing still. Dazed, you see this activity but it doesn’t seem to register somehow.

And then the holidays arrive and surface it all. Pain can become fresh again in an instant. Seemingly everything can bring up a memory.

Dazed and Confused

Deep wounds have huge shock value. Everything is different now, including your sense of time. Grief and loss are like some weird alternate universe. The whole experience is surreal. The holidays can be surreal.

Time has a different meaning now.

Here’s a grief affirmation:

“Weren’t you here only a moment ago? You seem so close sometimes.”

Grief messes with our sense of time – especially during holidays. Five years can be nothing. This season can bring it all back.

It hurts. And that’s okay. Your heart has been broken. Time will not heal it, but it does take time to recover.

Be nice to yourself. You deserve that.  

“Up till this I always had too little time. Now there is nothing but time.” ―C.S. Lewis

Adapted from the bestseller Heartbroken (2015 USA Best Book Awards Finalist, 2015 National Indie Excellence Book Award Finalist). Watch the Heartbroken video here.