How Much More am I Going to Lose?


When someone dies, we lose not only them, but many things attached to them. The losses can pile up quickly. 

From the Grieving Heart:

Losing you wasn't a one-time thing. It goes on and on.

I can't watch some movies now. There are places I can't go and people that are hard for me to be with. Some foods and aromas set me off. I don't do some of what I used to, especially the things we did together. It seems like everywhere I go I get reminded of you.

I didn't only lose you, I lost most of what is connected to you. Your friends. Your interests. Your favorite foods and activities. Anything that surfaces memories of you is painful right now. You touched so much in my life. Everything even remotely connected to you brings tears. 

I'm a walking ball of grief. I can almost feel it oozing out of my pores onto the ground around me. I've lost so much that it's hard to figure out who am I.

I'm not who I was, I know that much. How much more am I going to lose?


Grief is never about one loss... 

Grief is never simply about one loss. When someone we love dies or leaves, the ripple effects begin. When one strand of our life-web is severed, the whole web reverberates with the shock. Some strands are stretched, while others might break. One loss leads to other losses. 

If the loss is close and deep enough, a majority of our life might be affected. Some call this collateral damage. The result is that we not only grieve the departure of the person but of many other things as well. 

Certain places, people, events, activities, foods, smells, and music can now pack a grief punch. Anything can be an emotional trigger. 

The goal is not to avoid potential triggers, but rather find healthy ways to handle such situations when they arise. Realistically, much of life may remind us of our loss, so finding ways to grieve well amid routine daily life is important. 

Rather than trying to figure out what's happening - which is difficult during moments of heavy emotion – we can simply try to feel what comes and be honest with our own hearts. We let the grief come, as much as we can, given where we are and who we're around. 

People touch us in so many ways. Grieving their loss is an on-going, up-and-down process. 


Affirmation: I not only lost you but much of what was attached to you. I will try to be kinder to myself because this is hard. 

 Adapted from the newly released, Comfort for Grieving Hearts: Hope and Encouragement in Times of Loss. 




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About the Author

Gary Roe is an author, speaker, and chaplain with Hospice Brazos Valley. He is the author of the award-winning bestsellers Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child, Please Be Patient, I'm Grieving, HEARTBROKEN: Healing from the Loss of a Spouse, and Surviving the Holidays without You and the co-author (with New York Times Bestseller Cecil Murphey) of Saying Goodbye: Facing the Loss of a Loved One. Visit him at

I'm Grieving, Now What?