How the Loss of My Daughter Has Changed My Life

A perfect stranger stole my daughter's life from her in a way that was the antithesis of how she lived in 2001.  No one should have to bury a child but many of us do.  Along with my loss, it seemed that future dreams and the security of old age became faded dreams. My life transformed from multi-dimensional introspection to a flat line existence.  My belief systems shattered and truth challenged me every day to find its meaning in my decisions.  I eventually had to learn from my life of pain just to survive.

I have discovered that loss is the greatest catalyst for change. Loss is not the ending of something precious, it is the birth of love and wisdom that we are all seeking.  It prompts us to be in the moment, realize what we truly value in life and connect with who we truly are.  We are in too much pain to pretend.  We lose the energy to play games with people, so we don’t pretend to be something we are not.  We question what life is all about, so we look around with a new set of eyes.  Words that held important definitions in our lives no longer make sense, so we speak less often but in a more meaningful way.  Our plan for happiness and security disappears, so we begin to take life in the moment and have no energy to do much more than let life happen and trust the next moments.  We are no longer filled with plans, beliefs and motives so moments of truth can easily be recognized by the way our body feels, not what we think.  Moments of truth become who we are, not just what we fleetingly think.  We move from our head to our hearts and live our life with purpose and dignity.

Here are five ways I used the loss of my daughter as a portal for personal transformation and spiritual enlightenment:

1. I stopped fighting or being afraid of my feelings and use them as a valuable part of my learning to live in the moment again with love for myself and a purpose in life.  If I don’t let them flow through me, they will return like a tidal wave when I least expect it.
2. I surround myself with people who let me be who I am each day, even if I change from hour to hour in my moods and willingness to participate in life.
3. I get rid of anything in my life that doesn’t make me feel warm and safe.
4. I keep a journal of what is real to me each day, how I see life continuing around me and the lessons I learn.
5. I ask someone for help or sit still asking the spiritual realm for help when I felt overwhelmed and broken.  I let people know what I need and don’t judge myself.
6. I do something physically, like taking a walk, riding a bike, cutting the grass. It is amazing how physical activity can serve as a pain killer.

Learning to trust and hear my daughter Joann in a form other than physical has been a hard challenge but one I will take until the end.  Do angels really exist? I have no concrete proof to hand you demonstrating that validity. I have moments of pure peace, freedom from earthly perceptions, walking on the clouds when a miracle happens and amazing moments that only an angel could orchestrate.