Mother's Day means different things to different people.  To me, it's bitter-sweet.  Each year my young children (now 7 and 4) have different emotions as all of their friends celebrate with their mothers.  That raises lots of feelings in me that I haven't completely processed.  On the other hand I celebrate the wonderful mother I have who is alive, in good health, and a tremendous help in raising my children.

The one thing about Mother's Day that bothers me the most is when people wish ME a happy Mother's Day.   I want to scream back at them "I AM NOT A MOTHER"!!! I don't.  I calmly remind them I am not a mother and swiftly change the subject.

If they took a moment to think about it, they might realize how offensive this can be.  First, there is no replacing the love a mother has for a child.  No matter what I do, could never provide that type of love.  In fact, I don't try.  Secondly, why would someone ever think that I would want to be portrayed as a motherly figure?  There is a certain gently touch to life and parenting that only a woman can pull off.  Again, I don't try. Lastly, because I cook, clean, wash clothes, and take my children shopping, that also does not make me a mother.  That's the most offensive part.  When my wife was alive, we divided those duties up anyway.  For all of these reasons, and more, I can't figure out why anyone would ever wish ME a happy Mother's Day. 

What I am to my children is a loving single parent.  I give them all the hugs and kisses they need.  I engage them.  I talk to them.  I take care of their basic needs for food, water, and shelter.  I make sure they are educated.  I also make sure they have women in their lives.  Those are just general things I do as a widower dad raising two children. 

As Mother's Day approaches, before you utter the words happy Mother's Day to a widower dad like myself, you should pause.  Take a minute to ask him how he feels about Mother's Day instead.  I bet that would be conversation that will enlighten you on how he feels about the holiday.  It will go a lot further than any other words you could possibly say to him.  While you are at it, ask him how he feels about Father's Day as well.  I bet you will come out of those conversations knowing how you can help him deal with these holidays better. 

~~ The Widower Dad

I'm placing this same entry on my blog.  If you want to read more of my posts, you can find a link in my profile.  I only have a small following there.  I have the utmost respect for this site and hope that this article reaches the masses.

About the Author
I'm a young (hearted) widower dad. I was 35 years old when my wife of 5 years, mate of 15 years died suddenly hours after giving birth to our second child. I very much look forward to communicating more with everyone on this site. To read more about me, you can visit my blog and sign up to follow it (bottom right of the page). My Life as a widower dad: http://widowerdad.net/
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