I AM NOT A MOTHER !!

Mother's Day means different things to different people.  To me, it's bitter-sweet.  Each year my young children (now 7 and 4) have different emotions as all of their friends celebrate with their mothers.  That raises lots of feelings in me that I haven't completely processed.  On the other hand I celebrate the wonderful mother I have who is alive, in good health, and a tremendous help in raising my children.

The one thing about Mother's Day that bothers me the most is when people wish ME a happy Mother's Day.   I want to scream back at them "I AM NOT A MOTHER"!!! I don't.  I calmly remind them I am not a mother and swiftly change the subject.

If they took a moment to think about it, they might realize how offensive this can be.  First, there is no replacing the love a mother has for a child.  No matter what I do, could never provide that type of love.  In fact, I don't try.  Secondly, why would someone ever think that I would want to be portrayed as a motherly figure?  There is a certain gently touch to life and parenting that only a woman can pull off.  Again, I don't try. Lastly, because I cook, clean, wash clothes, and take my children shopping, that also does not make me a mother.  That's the most offensive part.  When my wife was alive, we divided those duties up anyway.  For all of these reasons, and more, I can't figure out why anyone would ever wish ME a happy Mother's Day. 

What I am to my children is a loving single parent.  I give them all the hugs and kisses they need.  I engage them.  I talk to them.  I take care of their basic needs for food, water, and shelter.  I make sure they are educated.  I also make sure they have women in their lives.  Those are just general things I do as a widower dad raising two children. 

As Mother's Day approaches, before you utter the words happy Mother's Day to a widower dad like myself, you should pause.  Take a minute to ask him how he feels about Mother's Day instead.  I bet that would be conversation that will enlighten you on how he feels about the holiday.  It will go a lot further than any other words you could possibly say to him.  While you are at it, ask him how he feels about Father's Day as well.  I bet you will come out of those conversations knowing how you can help him deal with these holidays better. 

~~ The Widower Dad

I'm placing this same entry on my blog.  If you want to read more of my posts, you can find a link in my profile.  I only have a small following there.  I have the utmost respect for this site and hope that this article reaches the masses.