I Feel Empty

Our hearts can get overwhelmed. Emotions can drain us to the point where we're numb. We're exhausted. We feel empty. 

From the Grieving Heart:

I woke up today and felt numb. I was just there. I didn't feel anything at all. 

I stared at the ceiling. I lost all sense of time. I got up and went through the motions, hating every step. 

I thought my heart was broken. Now I'm wondering if it has departed altogether. I'm a shell. I feel empty. 

I’m surrounded by your absence. Sometimes I get some relief. There are times when I'm not thinking about you. Then something will bring you to mind, and I feel guilty for having forgotten you, even for a moment. 

Your absence seems to have spread and now permeates my existence. You're not here. You're not there. You're not anywhere I'm going to be today. The rest of my life will be spent without you. 

The thought of that is more than I can bear. I don't like this. In fact, I hate it. I want you back. Now. 

I'm numb, but at the same time angry. Don't ask me to explain that. I can't. 

I don't know much of anything right now, except that I love you. 

How much can a heart handle

The heart can only handle so much. Broken and even shattered, we need breaks from the constant, grinding pressure of grief and its emotions. 

Our hearts shift into survival mode. Our feelers shut down. We stare at walls, ceilings, and people. We look but cease to see. Life flows on, but we are not a part of it. The sadness, anger, frustration, confusion, guilt, and anxiety all add up, and the heart powers down. We feel empty, listless, even lifeless. 

We're numb. 

We move in and out of this numb place. The heart takes a break and then begins to feel again. When the emotion gets too intense, it takes another brief hiatus. Like an electrical breaker being tripped or the emergency stop at a gas station being pushed, we momentarily switch off. 

This on-and-off life is exhausting. Life is anything but “normal.” In fact, nothing quite feels, looks, or even tastes the same. Grief is pounding our entire system. 

We practice breathing deeply and slowly. We give ourselves permission to be emotional, confused, and numb. We take our hearts seriously. We practice being patient with ourselves. 

We can power down when we need to. Overall, we learn to expect less of ourselves. Grief is squeezing our minds, hearts, and bodies. The only way to deal with grief is to grieve. 

Affirmation:

I may feel numb at times. That's okay. My heart is working to manage the unmanageable. 

 Adapted from the newly released book, Comfort for Grieving Hearts: Hope and Encouragement for Times of Loss. To watch a brief video about the book, click here.