I Feel Guilty

What happened? Why? We look for someone responsible. Often, that somehow ends up being us. We feel guilty. 

From the Grieving Heart:

Surely, I could have done something that would have made a difference. 

I laid awake last night, thinking of all I might have done or said that could have prevented this. I wanted to be able to stop you from leaving. Perhaps I can do something to bring you back? 

Ridiculous, I know. Yet, my heart seems stuck there. Deep down, I believe that this is my fault. I feel guilty.

After all, someone must be responsible, right? And not knowing who that is, it might as well be me.

Is this another form of sadness? Am I mad at myself? Was I in the wrong place at the wrong time? Is this more of me trying to make sense out of what I can't seem to accept?

Strangely, sometimes the guilt feels good. I seem to need a target for this pain, even if that target is me. Otherwise, it all seems completely random and by chance, and that's simply too terrifying for my soul to contemplate right now. 

I would rather feel guilty. 

Guilt is not our friend

When tragedy happens, at first, we're stunned. When we come to our senses, we begin to wonder who's responsible for the current situation. We naturally look for someone to blame. Our anger and angst need a target. And often, the most convenient target is ourselves. 

When loss attacks, guilt is usually not far behind. 

Some of us are quite familiar with guilt. We grew up with it. It has been our frequent, often uncomfortable companion. Guilt moves in and unpacks its bags. It makes a home in our hearts. 

Guilt is noisy. It's always speaking, filling our minds with its words and subtle accusations. Guilt's voice becomes so familiar, we begin to confuse it with our own. 

Yes, it's our fault. It always is. 

Guilt may be a frequent guest, but he is not our friend. His accusations and influence profit nothing. Entertaining him too much naturally leads to depression that is more than temporary. Wherever possible, it’s best to recognize him, call him out, and send him packing. 

Guilt is common and natural in grief. How we respond to it can make a big difference. 

Affirmation:

Guilt is not my friend. I must find ways to show him the door. 

Adapted from the newly released Comfort for Grieving Hearts: Hope and Encouragement in Times of Loss. To watch a brief video about the book, click here.