Missing You is Exhausting

Grief is exhausting. Missing someone can be incredibly draining. Everything seems like a solo climb of Mount Everest. 

From the Grieving Heart:

I'm exhausted. 

I wake up each day and sigh. My body feels heavy. Everything takes so much effort. Brushing my teeth is a workout. 

Not sleeping well doesn't help. Not eating well doesn't help either. My head feels like it's stuffed with cotton. My eyes hurt.

I live in a daze. It's like I'm sleep-walking through life. 

Missing you is exhausting. My heart is deflated. Part of me seems to have left with you. 

What's wrong with me? I don't feel like myself at all. I want my old life back. I want you back.

I'm so tired I can barely think. I manage to gear up for what I must do, and somehow function enough to get through it. Then I crash on the other side. I zone out for minutes at a time. 

I hope this gets better.


Grief is exhausting

Grief demands incredible energy. Life in fight-or-flight mode is exhausting. Fatigue is natural and common during times of loss. 

If someone was hit by a bus, we wouldn't expect them to jump up and carry on as usual. If they survived the collision, they would be transported to a hospital, preferably to one with a trauma center, for emergency life-saving treatment. Once their life is out of danger, the stabilizing process takes time. Then the healing and recovery process can begin. During this time, all their physical energy is being channeled toward simply staying alive. Fatigue and exhaustion are routine fare for those recovering from life-threatening injuries. 

We've been hit by the Grief Bus. It can stun and flatten us. We don't simply shake the collision off and walk away unscathed. Our wounds are invisible but real. The emotional pain can be intense and draining. Pain, in any form, taxes our system and exhausts us. 

Rest becomes a priority. Fatigue takes a toll over time. We simply can't do as much. Our performance at work might be off. We need more space and margin in life than ever. Taking ourselves and our grief seriously is critical. Being patient with ourselves is important. 

Like other grief challenges, the fatigue will change over time. Our hearts, souls, and bodies will adjust and recover. Time doesn't heal all wounds, but healing does take time. 


Grief is exhausting. I'll try to have realistic expectations of myself during this time.


Adapted from the newly released Comfort for Grieving Hearts: Hope and Encouragement for Times of Loss. 


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About the Author

Gary Roe is an author, speaker, and chaplain with Hospice Brazos Valley. He is the author of the award-winning bestsellers Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child, Please Be Patient, I'm Grieving, HEARTBROKEN: Healing from the Loss of a Spouse, and Surviving the Holidays without You and the co-author (with New York Times Bestseller Cecil Murphey) of Saying Goodbye: Facing the Loss of a Loved One. Visit him at www.garyroe.com.

I'm Grieving, Now What?