Life is precious, as you have learned with the passing of your mom. Learn how to create space after releasing guilty feelings and thoughts.
If you've read my first post in this Mother's Day 2013 series, you would have read about giving yourself or your mother the gift of forgiveness... either something you or your mother did, didn't do, said or didn't say.
When we're mad at someone or holding a grudge against someone or something that happened, we think that the other person is drinking the poison of that experience but it's really you who is drinking the poison. I believe we are freed from many of our earthly burdens when we leave the body... but the ones left here on earth still have to deal with some of life's difficulties, like feelings that remain floating around WAY after someone has passed on.
Do yourself a favor and give yourself and your mother the gift of healing this month. Decide this is the month that you begin your healing journey or you move on to the next phase of it. Remove 1 piece of guilt totally, utterly and completely from your life. Release yourself of the burdens it brings and move forward with new found freedom.
Make sure when you open yourself up to forgiveness, you are making room in your heart. Make space for more love and joy to join you. When you create space, there will be a vacuum effect. You may feel this in different ways but be prepared to replace that hole with something filled with love or joy. Perhaps it's a new found person in your life you are now able to be more intimate with. A new hobby or way you spend your time. A new pattern... could be emotional, spiritual or physical. Perhaps that means getting your hair done every 6 weeks instead of letting it get all crazy and not cutting it for 3 years or taking a bath at night after a long day, setting aside time to read a book or spending the time you were feeling bad on writing people love notes, letters, or emails.
Decide how you want to spend your time here in life. It's precious, as you have learned with the passing of your mom, so take time to create a conscious life. Forgive, and make some space for something new and beautiful. I guarantee you that there will be a moment (or several moments) in time that you will realize the work you did was meaningful and brought you further in life that you could have ever dreamed.