OVERCOMING THE PAIN OF GRIEF

OVERCOMING THE PAIN OF GRIEF

The pain of grief can seem too much to bear.  I had a double whammy when my husband passed away.  Not only was he gone but he had taken his life.  He did it in such a traumatic way if I had not had the Lord helping me I would have been traumatized.  It has been seventeen years and I can say, there is truly healing that came. It was not because of time, but because of some principles I initiated in my life. I am sharing these with you that you might be lifted. 

RECOGNIZING THE FEELINGS

I thought I would die of was a broken heart.  It is hard sometimes to identify a broken heart.  A broken heart can be mended but it has to be recognized as a root issue and ask the Lord to come to heal us.  We have to let it go.  When this kind of thing happens, it is very easy to become angry.  The root of the anger can be because they did not think of you and the pain it is causing you and your family. Another root cause of the anger is it is a symptom of grief. Blaming is another symptom. It can be either the blaming of ourselves or someone else. 

Anger, blaming, and guilt and even shame can be signs of grief. 

If a person has decided to take their life and we have not aggravated it, we are not to be guilty.  Even if it was aggravated you must forgive yourself.  Any emotionally healthy person will not take such drastic measures.  There has to be many things that lead up to it.  It can be abuse during their life, denial, illness or many other reasons.  A person who takes their life has lost hope for whatever reason.

DEVELOP THE HABIT OF POSITIVE SPEAKING

When asked how I overcame the pain of it, I always have to say I took it to the Lord in prayer.  I declared positive things with my mouth.  I had to start saying, “I can make it”.  I meditated and thought upon good things.  The mind is our battlefield and we are in charge of where it goes.  It can and will obey you if you fill your mind with good things.  It is not enough just to think good thoughts, we must speak positive.  The mind is the true battleground and we must give it another avenue.  The following scripture is a great help.  Say it out loud and let your ears and heart hear it. 

Isaiah 58: 9-12 Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness.  I will always show you where to go.  I will give you a full life in the emptiest of places.  You will be like a well watered garden.  These are portions of these verses from the Message Bible

ISOLATION

Continued isolation is not healthy. Become active with friends and family.  Some time alone can be good but continued isolation is not good for you.  Make yourself do things with others. 

People mean well but you need compassion but no one to feel sorry for you.  Feeling sorry for yourself is the worst thing you can do.  Still today I do not share my story right away with others.  If you do not know them very well, you may be setting yourself up to be a victim.  Have a victim mentality is not healthy.  To allow others to perceive you as a victim is not good for you.  People so often fight for the victim’s chair.  The biggest victim makes the loudest noise. 

MAKING DECISIONS

I had to make decisions right away of where I was going to live.  Everything changes and changes quickly in such a case as mine.  Questions arose in my mind of how I was going to manage everything coming at me.  I thank God I had the good sense to allow people to help me.  My daughter and her husband took charge of the house where he took his life.  After much prayer and strategy planning of where I wanted to be, I sold the house and moved into a different pla CRYING RELEASES

To cry all the time is not good, however, you can feel free to release sorrow through your tears.  I would be out having dinner with a friend and suddenly I would not even have any reason but the tears would come.  Usually I would excuse myself and cry for a few moments and go back and resume where we left off.  I remember going back to the place where my husband died and released a flood of tears and let it go.  I committed my old life to God and asked Him to walk me through to the other side of this new life which was thrust upon me.  You have to decide to make the best of what is in front of you. 

I hope these strategies for overcoming the pain of loss has been a help to you.  I pray for you as you read article to be soothed by the Precious Holy Spirit