Random Act of Kindness can be Memorials to Your Loved One

The email message on my computer screen was from a couple who were members of my church. It asked recipients to get involved in random acts of kindness as memorials to their deceased daughter. Their daughter died of cancer a year ago and I was touched by the thoughtfulness behind message. “I will be glad to remember her with a random act of kindness,” I replied.

What would my random of act of kindness be?

Several ideas came to mind -- donating to the local food bank in memory of their daughter and donating books to the public library. Then my mind went down a different pathway. I’ve been a freelance writer for more than 36 years. In 2007 four family members, my elder daughter, my father-in-law, my brother, and my former son-in-law, all died. These multiple losses changed the focus of my writing from health to grief recovery.

Because of my experience I had some understanding of the thinking behind the random acts of kindness suggestion. Though the searing pain of multiple losses has lessened, I feel anticipatory grief for my disabled husband. His aorta dissected in October of 2013 and he has been hospitalized ever since. Surgeons operated on him three times in a desperate attempt to save his life. During the third operation, 13 hours of invasive surgery, he suffered a spinal stroke and his legs are paralyzed.

After three and a half months in the hospital, most of it in intensive care, he was transferred to  the rehabilitation floor of a local nursing home for wound care and physical therapy.

The rehabilitation unit holds 14 patients and they come and go. Family members come and go as well. I decided to give a couple a copy of my latest book as a random act of kindness. Whether or not they read the book is up to them. When I walked onto the floor I spotted the couple at a nearby table. The patient was a retired minister who was without a left foot, amputated due to severe diabetes. The minister had talked to me several times about the fear he felt before surgery.

“To lose your foot . . . “ he would begin, shaking his head. He never added more words to this sentence.

His wife, a church organist, visited him often and was as loving and supportive as any wife could be. On this day she was eating lunch with him. I approached the couple, placed the book on the table, and said, “I’m giving you my book as a random act of kindness in memory of a church member who died.” The reverend picked up the book and stared at the cover.

“You wrote this?” he asked.

“Yes,” I replied. “And I hope you will look at it.”

“Oh I will,” he promised.

The couple seemed touched at my gesture. Giving them one of my books made me feel good. This experience has taught me the power of a random act of kindness. If you are approaching the anniversary of a loved one’s death, you may wish to ask friends to remember him or her with random acts of kindness. Random acts of kindness can have a ripple effect in the family and in the community. More important, these acts remind us that love lasts forever.

About the Author

Harriet Hodgson has been an independent journalist for 35+ years. She is a member of the Association of Health Care Journalists, Association for Death Education and Counseling, Minnesota Coalition for Death Education and Support, and World Speakers Association. Hodgson is a Forum Moderator/Writer for www.opentohope.com and author of eight grief resources.

Grief In Action