SHOULD YOU BE OVER THIS BY NOW?

Michelle sat across the table from me, turning her chicken salad over with her fork.

“I should be over this by now,” she sighed.

Michelle’s mother had passed away four months earlier. They had seen each other almost every day for a decade. They talked about everything. Her mom’s death left a gaping hole in Michelle’s life and heart.

“She’s always been there. Until she died, you had never lived a day without her,” I said. “Michelle, you’re not going to get over this.”

Michelle looked up from her plate and stared at me. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came. Her face began to crumple, and the tears began to fall.

When we lose someone, it’s impossible to get over it. That would be like saying they didn’t matter and their lives were of no real importance.

About 10 years ago, I got a call from my friend Bill. He was a college buddy and a groomsman in my wedding. We hadn’t seen each other for years, but we talked at least every couple of months. He was a master at staying in touch.

This phone call was different. “Hey, Gary. I’ve got leukemia, and it’s advanced. It doesn’t look good.”

I gripped the phone in silence. No words came.

“I know, man, I know,” Bill said. “That’s how I responded when they told me.”

Several months later, Bill was gone. He was 42. I still have a hard time believing it. I miss his voice, his sense of humor, and his encouragement. When I close my eyes and try to remember his face, I think, “Nope. There’s no getting over Bill. No way.”

All of us are special. We are priceless beings of eternal value. When someone exits, they leave a hole. We can’t replace them. We can only grieve, and hopefully learn to appreciate them even more.

You never get over a person, but you will get through this time. As you grieve, and grieve well, your loved one will naturally take their new place in your life. You’ll see them in your actions and hear their voice in your words. Their influence will be everywhere. Grief will become mixed with thanksgiving. And, slowly, the color will come back into life.

I learned so much from Bill, the most powerful thing being selfless service. Bill loved people and gave his life to those around him, especially those in need. I can honor him by living his legacy as part of my mission.  

Should you be over this by now? No way. Let your loved one sink deeply into your life and heart. Honor them in the way you live. Let their memory bring smiles as well as tears.

They live on in you.