Six Common Myths of Grief

Within 48 to 72 hours of a major loss, you might hear many common statements from others who are trying to make you feel better. Unfortunately, only a few are helpful. Most can actually be hurtful and prolong your heartbreak. Please understand that grief is natural, normal, and necessary. Here are six common myths of grief that you might hear:

1. I understand how you feel. This is the most common response to loss; however, no one really knows how you feel. Even if they have lost a close family member or friend, they can't possibly know the personal relationship that only you and your loved one shared. So, "No, you don't understand how I feel."

2. You will get over it. You will never really get over it. You can learn to live with it as you do the work to get through it. The emotions of grief will surface when you least expect them, even years after the death. You may hear a song on the radio, see a movie, smell a certain cologne, etc. For the rest of your life, you will feel some grief over your loss; however, it will no longer dominate your life, but will become cherished memories as you move forward.

3. It just takes time. Time heals all wounds. Like waiting on time to fix a broken arm without medical attention. Like waiting on time to fix a flat tire without changing it. Time alone will not get you from where you are right now to where you want to be. It takes action. It takes work.

4. You can find another spouse or partner. You are young and can have another child. It is impossible to replace a loved one. You must take the action steps to say goodbye by acknowledging and accepting the loss before moving towards developing a new relationship that will be complete and satisfying.

5. It is God's will. God doesn't make any mistakes. He is in a better place now. Although your belief system might agree with these principles, don't let others take your grief away from you. It is true that grieving can be a spiritual journey. There is a scripture that reads, "Blessed are those that mourn, for they shall be comforted." Just don't go into denial of the grief process because of this. Also, these statements might be offensive to some as they question, "What did I do so badly to God to deserve this?"

6. Avoid thinking about her on holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. To try to avoid grief delays the healing process. It is natural to think of your loved one on these special days. Don't deny the intense emotions of grief during these times. Instead, embrace them by finding ways to honor the legacy left by your loved one.

We are all unique individuals and will grieve in our own way and at our own pace. There is no quick fix for such a deep and painful wound or experience. Don't focus so much on getting over it. Instead, take action steps to get through it. A relationship with a grief coach can be beneficial in supporting you through this process.

Download a FREE copy of Dora Carpenter's "Top Five Pitfalls of Grief" at http://www.pitfallsofgrief.com.

Dora Carpenter, certified grief coach, certified life coach, and founder of The ANIYA Group Life Coaching Center, is known for challenging you to move from grief to gratitude and motivating you to do so. She has worked in the death care industry for over 14 years and has appeared as a guest on podcasts, radio, and television.