“We’re having salmon for dinner,” I announced, and turned to face my husband. Only he was not there. John died months ago and there was no longer a “we.” Now it was just me. After 63 years of marriage, adapting to life without John is difficult. Though I cared for him until he died and made the final arrangements, I still struggle with disbelief. What should I do with the rest of my life?
Financial issues are naturally stressful. So is loss. Put the two together, and the pressure can be overwhelming and frustrating.
Skin Hunger Can Be a By-Product of Widowhood. It's not often discussed, but it's true. One of the nicest benefits of an intimate relationship is the physical contact that comes with them. While that includes sexual contact, that's not what I'm talking about here. Maybe a topic for another day. No, what I mean is the ordinary touches and connections that are an integral part of close family and housemate relationships.
FROM THE GRIEVING HEART:
I feel frozen. Stuck. Paralyzed.
The world is moving, but I’m not. I’m going through the motions. I walk in a daze. I find myself staring at walls.
I can’t move. It’s like my heart has been anesthetized.
One of the things that alarms most new widows is the fear of forgetting. Nearly all of us are afraid that those precious memories will slip away from us into the recesses of our brain, never to be retrieved again. While that’s rarely what happens, we are able to summon up those warm recollections when we want to, nevertheless, the anxiety about losing them only adds to our distress. It doesn’t have to be that way.
This year is coming to a close and a new one is around the corner. Some of you have seen several new years arrive as widows; some are still completing your year of "firsts"...first birthday, first anniversary, first holidays without you mate. Wherever you are, this time of year is a good time to spend some quiet moments dreaming. Dream of what's next. Dream of who you want to become now. Dream of places you would like to go and things you would like to do. What does 2020 look like for you?
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Self Gift in Memory of Your Loved One[/caption]
As I work with many widows, I often am asked about advice for settling estates and handling financial affairs after the death of their spouse.
Music therapy has been around a long time as a healing modality. It sure can be a big help when we need some mood-altering, can’t it? I’ve leaned on it a lot in the years since Pat has been gone. It even made an entrance in my head as my beloved husband lay in Critical Care during his last few days. Not in the way you might think, not the soft music that hospice workers suggest.
