Like most mourners, you may be looking for practical help. Where do you find it? You may start by calling family members and friends. Your religious/spiritual community may be a source of help as well. The local hospital may have a grief support group. Bereavement communities on the Internet are also helpful. As I discovered in 2007, after losing four family members, help may come from unexpected sources.
More than four years have passed since my daughter, father-in-law, brother, and former son-in-law died. My daughter and her former husband died from the injuries they received in separate car crashes. Though I am living a happy life today, it is a life with holes. No parent expects to die before a child dies and I miss my daughter every day.
In case you are wondering, I still cry.
The other day, as I was surfing television channels, I came across a CNN program about Jake Saimabukuro, a Hawaiian musician of Japanese descent. Jake started playing the ukulele at an early age and is a concert musician today. He loves the simplicity of the ukulele and described it as an "instrument of peace."
While the trumpet is always loud, Jake explained, the ukulele is always soft, and "I had to learn to play it softer." He strummed a sample melody, starting with loud notes, progressing to softer ones, and then notes that were barely audible. According to Jake, soft music makes people listen intently.
"I can almost feel the audience leaning in and I'm leaning in," he explained. "We're all trying to hear the music."
For Jake, concerts are all about letting go, forgetting the many practice sessions, and going with his emotions. Jake wants his emotions to touch the audience, and they have in concert after concert, through his CDs, and on the Internet.
Surprising as it may seem to you, his explanation made me think of my grief journey. Many mourners get angry at God, or a Higher Power, or at life. But anger doesn't provide answers, unfortunately. Though I never became angry I went through a time of intense self-examination. In fact, I followed Jake's example. Each day, I leaned in to my emotions and listened intently to them.
During your grief journey have you gone too fast, talked too much, and done too much in an attempt to escape your feelings? If so, Jake's example may be helpful. Instead of trying to outrun your emotions, now may be the time to acknowledge them, name them, and accept them. You may lean in to your soul and listen to what it is telling you.
In the stillness you may discover a new self. Humans have similar responses to grief, yet your grief is unique. The melody of your life is unique as well. You may have trouble hearing that melody right now, but it is there, deep inside you, and waiting to come out. Hear that melody. Add to it. Share it and play with all your being.
Copyright 2012 by Harriet Hodgson
Harriet Hodgson has been an independent journalist for 35+ years. She is the author of six grief resources, including "Smiling Through Your Tears: Anticipating Grief," Lois Krahn, MD, co-author, "Writing to Recover: The Journey from Loss and Grief to a New Life," "Writing to Recover Journal," "The Spiritual Woman: Quotes to Refresh and Sustain Your Soul," "101 Affirmations to Ease Your Grief Journey," and "Happy Again! Your New and Meaningful Life After Loss." Please visit Hodgson's website and learn more about this busy author.
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