Nothing prepared me
for this deep abyss
of loss.
One day, you're a couple
and then
you're one.
Your identity has changed
you search high and low
then you realize once again
So much confusion
I don't know where to turn.
I once had a love
who now resides in Heaven.
I thought,
"I don't want to give my heart again
and go through this deep agonzing pain."
But, then
there is the intense loneliness.
The pain of saying goodbye
Hurts more than
the day you died.
For it means
I'm not forgetting us
but I need to move on.
One day,
we will meet again
Have you ever felt overwhelmed and stuck in grief? You're not alone! I'm so thankful for compassionate organizations like Open to Hope and The Grief Toolbox who will walk alongside us through a crushing season of life.
They say time heals, but that's not true,
because our hearts break every time we think of you.
We miss your touch and your beautiful smile,
if we could only have you back for even a little while.
But God had different plans and though we may not understand,
Originnally posted in my blog 12/120/12 (www.iloveumore.com)
I sat down in these wee hours thinking I was going to write about one thing and as I sat here and let my thoughts sort themselves out, I learned real quick that God was pushing me in a different direction.
That night was the night I was born. Born into a new world that I did not like, did not want Everything that had gone on before became the dream and the loss of my son the new reality. Happy memories dimed, all tainted with the darkness of death, of loss. The brightness of colors, dulled. Music hurt my soul, my heart. Laughter was offensive.
It wasn't until recently that I truly recognized "triggers" in my daily life.....things, events, words, smells , songs, memories....that initiate feelings and reactions in me. These triggers are without warning and virtually impossible to predict or control.
A letter to an inquiring stranger asking for advice on how to help a friend whose husband just died:
The new normal? Of course I had not heard this phrase until after Tim died. It was then that it popped up a lot. I started to cringe every time I would run across it. Wasn't the death of my son enough? Now I had to learn to live a new life. Understand the world in a new way. No!!!! I did not want this. Once again, I had no choice. It had already started the moment he died.
