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AS I SIT AND STARE I WONDER

I WONDER WHY THIS HAD TO BE

MERRY CHRISTMAS MY LOVE IN HEAVEN

And Now There Is One

Dedicated to the memory of my beautiful sister Catherine this holiday season❤️

In my heart is where I'll find you
With love free flowing and timeless
And where every heartbeat renews
Memories of a life so blessed

In my heart is where I'll find you
Your effervescent spirit a Godsend
It lifts and carries me often
'Til the day we are together again

   This will be our 7^th year without David at Christmas. He would have been 16 this year. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long, because everywhere we look, David is a part of our Christmas.

As of today I've been on a scary, horrible rollercoaster ride that I never wanted to ride for 3 years. I've physically exhausted myself just going through the motions of life just trying to burry this pain I feel everyday and this weight of the universe on my shoulders.... Its all so heavy. Today I am sad.

     Top 5 Tips for Tough Holiday Festivities - after Loss

So Christmas looms near, and as people pass by, singing and smiling, and giving good cheer. I look at their faces, and straining to find, a clue or a hint of some pain close to mine. I see bright shiny eyes that seem to smile, and a nod of greetings while they're all passing by. I continue to watch, amazed at their will, to go on with lives while mines laying still.

Grief:

A twisting storm of emotions…

deep, cutting, crushing, confusing, disorienting

sorrow & joy

tears & laughter

Grief bites. Seriously bites.

I’m thinking right now about the year when Christmas was just not right. Something was missing. Actually someone was missing. Nobody saw it coming. It was the year my mom (aka Beazy) had died, just weeks before Christmas.

It's the time of year again.

Time to buy a fresh Christmas tree,

       to hang beautiful Christmas ornaments,