Can Anticipatory Grief Help You?

You may be experiencing anticipatory grief and not even know it. This form of grief is a feeling of loss before a death or dreaded event occurs. If your child is born with a heart defect you may feel it. If you are caring for a failing loved one you may feel it. If your pet has cancer you may feel it.

Sooner or later, everyone goes through this sad, emotional, and unpleasant experience. No matter who you are, or where you go, anticipatory grief follows you. Worse, its symptoms can chip away at you, and each one is powerful. Add the symptoms together and life may come to a screeching halt. Here are the symptoms:

• Your feelings jump around from present, to past, to future.
• Every day is a day of uncompleted loss.
• The time factor takes a toll on you.
• Suspense and fear are part of daily life.
• Anticipatory grief can become complex.
• Even if you know you are experiencing anticipatory grief, it is still a shock.
• No endpoint is in sight.
• You feel sorrow and hope simultaneously. 

There are no ordinary days when you are experiencing anticipatory grief. Each day is a challenge and you wonder if you will survive this time. This is hard enough, and post-death grief is ahead of you. Are there any bright spots in this scenario? Thankfully, the answer is yes.

You get to rehearse feelings. This rehearsal may help you with post-death grief. It also gives you the opportunity to identify your feelings, the first step in coping with them. Rehearsing feelings may help you to contain them. For example, identifying deep sadness may prompt you to get evaluated for depression.

You determine which feelings are the hardest. When my husband's aorta dissected in 2013, I had such anticipatory grief I started planning his memorial service. I also realized that stress was the hardest part of anticipatory grief. Although I never became angry, anger may be an issue for you.

Family members may feel closer to each other. As my father-in-law's life came to a close, family members shared wonderful stories about his life, and planned for his death. Dad didn't want a public memorial service and we honored his request. After he died, we had a family dinner in his honor. We ate Dad's favorite foods and watched movies of a younger Dad.

This type of grief may lead to reorganization. You may realize that some aspects of your life need attention. My husband and I realized the inheritance laws in Minnesota had changed since we made our wills. We contacted our lawyer and he updated our wills and even came to my husband's hospital room, so he could sign the document.

You may become a more empathetic person. This happened to me and may happen to you. As painful as anticipatory grief is, you may derive some benefits from it, and become more appreciative of life.

http://www.harriethodgson.com

Harriet Hodgson has been a freelancer for 37 years and is the author of 34 books. Her latest releases are Happy Again! Your New and Meaningful Life After Loss, Help! I'm Raising My Grandkids, and Seed Time: Growing from Life's Disappointments, Losses, and Sorrows. Visit her website and learn more about this busy author and grandmother.