Are These Crazy Emotions Normal?

“When did they offer the roller-coaster training? Somehow I missed that,” Sally said.

Sally’s husband Ron died a week prior. Once the arrangements were done and the funeral was over, grief hit her like a relentless tsunami.

Grief does strange things to us. It buffets the heart and shakes the soul. It’s confusing and frustrating. We can be shocked by its depth and power. 

To say that our emotions are stirred by a loved one’s death is a gross understatement. Our feelings hijack us and threaten to take over our entire existence. It’s a rough and unpredictable ride. Like Sally, most of us feel ill-equipped for the onslaught of this emotional roller-coaster.

The Normal Balance of Reason and Emotion is Gone

Human beings are both emotional and rational beings. We think and we feel. Which one tends to dominate and how much depends on a variety of factors like background, experience, gifts, talents, and personality. Each of us has a natural sort of equilibrium, a balance of emotion and reason we settle into in the midst of routine, everyday life.

When grief strikes, this equilibrium is upended. Our usual balance cracks under the strain. Emotion floods our being.

As Sam (who lost his wife, Pamela) put it, “I never knew I was capable of feeling such things. I’m suddenly an emotional basket case. I’m not myself at all.”

The truth is, Sam was still himself, but he was in a very different situation. Something traumatic occurred. His wife died. Powerful emotions surged forth from deep within him. Because his feelings took up a lot more space than usual, his reason naturally got squeezed into the backseat.

In other words, having roller-coaster emotions during this time is normal. 

Up, Down, and All Around

“How am I doing? Up, down, and all around. My emotions are all over the place,” Sandra shared.

Grief emotions come in all shapes and sizes, ranging from mild to severe:

Shock, numb, feeling nothing

Sadness, sorrow, depression

Fear, dread, terror

Irritability, anger, rage

Nervousness, anxiety, panic

Some feelings are constant, like a dull ache in the heart. They form a new atmosphere of sorrow that surrounds us following a close loss. Other emotions are like sudden, sharp daggers. They strike like lightning. As one widow put it, “It’s like a thousand needles have been thrust into my soul.”

We Might Feel Crazy, But…

Emotions can be powerful, unpredictable, and troubling. Things feel so different from the norm that most of us doubt our sanity at some point.

No, we’re not crazy, but we’re in a crazy situation. We’ve lost a loved one, and that can break a heart.

Most roller-coasters are over in a few minutes. The grief roller-coaster can go on a long time. It’s exhausting. One widow said, “I feel like I can’t catch my breath.”

Again, experiencing wild, up-and-down, wonder-if-you’re-coming-unhinged emotions is normal for someone in grief. Your mind, heart, and body are attempting to make sense of all this.

Take a moment. Breathe. Be nice to yourself. This is a rough, bumpy, marathon-type ride.

(Adapted from HEARTBROKEN: Healing from the Loss of a Spouse)

Watch the Heartbroken video here