HOW TO HANDLE HOLIDAY LONELINESS

Holidays can be lonely. This time of year surfaces our losses and throws them in our faces. We bump into a memory with every decoration, song, or tradition.

Holidays and loneliness don't mix well.

Here’s the truth…

I could tell you that you're not alone. That's true, but if your heart is broken, you’re focused on who’s not here, not who is.

Here's the truth. Grief is a lonely process. When hearts break, we feel the cracking. Someone has exited, and the void created is stunning. The intensity of the loneliness can smother us.

We feel it. And feeling it, at least to some degree, is healthy, because the loneliness is real.

On the other hand, none of us can feel the full weight of grief’s onslaught. Our sturdy yet fragile hearts can only handle so much. We need relief from time to time.

Somehow, we must feel the loneliness, yet live on. Somewhere in the midst of the pain, there is a balance each of us must search for - feeling the grief, and yet engaging in the world we're still part of. 

How do we do this? 

Four Tips to Help

There are no foolproof rules to handling holiday loneliness, but here are four helpful guidelines.

1. Take your heart seriously. 

Your heart is your most prized possession. It's the guts of who you are. As wise King Solomon said, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the spring from which everything else in your life flows."

• What does your heart most need? More time alone? More time with others?
• Who do you need time with? Who is most helpful to you now? 
• What do you want to do? How? When? With whom? 
• Are you hydrating, eating well, and exercising?
• Do you need to downgrade your expectations of yourself, others, or the holidays in general?

Take a deep breath. Look to your heart.

2. Make a plan to honor your loved one.

Your heart needs this, and your loved one deserves it. How will you honor him or her this holiday?

• A familiar tradition continued in their honor?
• An empty chair and / or a place set at the table?
• A time of sharing with family?
• A stocking, stuffed with cards written and prepared by family?
• A present under the tree that can be passed around, with each person sharing what they miss about them?
• A charitable donation in their name?

Be creative. Make a plan to include and honor them.

3. Express your love by grieving well.

The grief is always with us, in us. Let out what you can, when you can.

• Write.
• Journal.
• Talk out loud.
• Light a candle.
• Go to a remembrance service.
• Scream.
• Cry.
• Punch a pillow, or a paper bag.
• Throw some eggs.

Grief is part of love. It will be expressed, one way or another.  

4. Consider serving. 

You're not alone in your suffering. Many others are hurting too.

There's something about reaching out and serving others when we're hurting that brings a little healing to our hearts. It gives us perspective, and pulls us out of our pain for a little while. Service, and seeing the gratitude of others, can be salve to our broken hearts.

Lonely does not mean alone.

Lonely does not mean alone. And it doesn't mean meaningless or hopeless either.

Lonely means, well, lonely. You miss someone, and you feel it. Depending on the loss, it can color everything.

Feel it, but decide how much you can take. Take your heart seriously. Include and honor your loved one these holidays. Love them by grieving well. Reach out, use your grief, and serve. 

Lonely, yes? How could you not be? Lonely is what you feel, but it is not who you are.