Help Those Around You Meet You in Your Grief

From the author: This is an article that you can share with those around you to help them know what’s going on in the grieving heart. We need each other – desperately.

We all experience loss. We all know grief on some level. There are times when another person’s pain can trigger our own. While we’re trying to help others, stuff from our own past can surface and get in the way.

From the Grieving Heart…

I know this is hard. 

What’s this like for you? The pain is immense. I know you care about me. This must be difficult to watch. 

You’ve had losses too. Do you still feel them? Does your heart still ache? 

We’re not that different. Just as my past pain can invade the present, yours can too. Are you hurting? Perhaps we can comfort and encourage each other.   

I know our relationship will change. I hope we can heal and grow together rather than drifting apart. To be honest, I’m terrified of more loss.

I don’t need you to be superhuman. I don’t expect you to solve things for me or somehow make them go away. I want you to be you, whatever that means, in this situation.

Thank you for listening. It’s a comfort knowing you care.

My soul sighs a lot these days. I’m tired all the time. Even thinking is a chore. This is harder than I ever dreamed. 

I’m glad now is not forever.

Please be patient with me. I’m grieving.

We all have a history of loss

I recently asked some professional counselors how many of our struggles are related to unresolved grief. Their answers averaged out to a whopping 85%.

We all have a history of loss. We’ve lost people, homes, jobs, pets, possessions, health, and relationships. We’ve been wounded and also caused our share of pain. How we process what happens to and around us is critical.

How we handle loss shapes how we see ourselves, others, life, and even God. How we interpret what happens in life forms the foundation for the way we do relationships.  

When you see your friend in pain, it impacts your heart. The grief might even trigger losses from your past. You are not a robot. You are a unique individual with a heart, mind, and soul. 

In other words, their grief can be a gift. Because of your relationship, their loss becomes an opportunity for you to heal and grow.

Be aware of your own heart 

Be aware of your own heart. What’s happening in there? What are you feeling?

For your own sake, take some time to process:

• Is there unfinished business in your past?
• Are there things you need to revisit and resolve?
• Do you need to forgive or ask forgiveness?
• Are there amends that can be made?

If we’re willing, loss can give us the gift of perspective. Experiencing grief gives us an opportunity to reconsider what should be most important in life. It can also motivate us to refocus on who we are and why we’re here. And this can lead to healing, and possibly changes for the better.

You need each other

Yes, your friend is hurting and needs you. You need them too.

Don’t worry about getting this right or perfect. Love your friend as best you know how and be patient with yourself along the way. Do this, and you will have more impact than you can imagine.

"Grief is a tough and bumpy road, but we can walk it together.

You are helping me heal and grow too."

Adapted from the new bestseller, Please Be Patient, I’m Grieving: How to Care For and Support the Grieving Heart.