Everything Seems Different Now

Everything feels different now. We're different. Loss has changed our world. No wonder this is confusing.

From the Grieving Heart:

I feel confused today. 

One minute I'm sad, and the next I'm angry. I zone out and find myself staring at the walls. Everything seems strange, like I'm in some alternate reality that looks a lot like my old life. Except that you're not here.

My life is not the same at all. Everything feels different now.

Then the sadness returns. Or maybe it never left. Perhaps sadness is more like a cloud that follows me throughout the day.

My emotions are all over the place, and I'm getting less able to manage and hide them. I feel unstable. I'm not acting like myself. I feel different. 

The world around me marches on like nothing happened, while I'm stuck here. It's like I've become an observer - an outsider looking in. 

I miss you. Where did you go? Where did I go? I want my old life back. 

What is life now? I'm confused. 

Everything has changed

When loss hits us, our hearts crack, and emotion pours out everywhere. Some manage to hide some of their feelings, only to find them leaking out here and there in unhealthy ways. Some express their emotions freely but in such a way that is not helpful to them. Others learn ways of managing grief emotions that express who they are and their relationship with the one they lost.

When this unruly combo of sadness, anger, anxiety, fear, guilt, and frustration hit, confusion naturally occurs. We've never been here before. This is unchartered territory. No matter what we thought it might be like, the terrain we find ourselves in is different than we imagined or expected. Nothing could have fully prepared us for this. 

Our minds are trying to somehow make sense of what happened and this new reality that has been thrust upon us. Our hearts are reeling from the collision of life and loss. Someone special is missing. There are gaping holes in our hearts and in our routines. Some confusion is common and expected. 

Learning to be patient with ourselves is important. The path is rocky, uneven, and unpredictable. Grief is a more like a marathon than a sprint. Pacing ourselves along the way is more crucial than we realize.

We're not superhuman. We can breathe deeply and give ourselves permission to not have to understand all the events unfolding in our lives or be able to explain them to others. Life is anything but business as usual right now.

Affirmation:

Loss is confusing. I'll be patient with myself. 

Adapted from the newly released book, Comfort for Grieving Hearts: Hope and Encouragement for Times of Loss. To watch a brief video about the book, click here.