Loss hits our souls too. It can jostle us spiritually. We come to realize just how little we control.
From the Grieving Heart:
Yesterday, it was guilt. Today, it's anger. I'm back at it again. Surely someone somewhere is responsible for all this.
In the end, my mind figures that all the possible roads of blame end with God. At the end of the day, he's responsible, right? And yet, if he is good, how can he be responsible for tragedies, disasters, and evil? But if he is in control, then how is he not ultimately responsible for the pain and suffering in the world?
Your leaving has generated all kinds of questions, seemingly unsolvable riddles, and uncomfortable wonderings. I don't know how strong my faith was before all this, but now it feels shaky. I guess that's not surprising since I feel shaky. My whole world seems to be tottering.
Perhaps no one is to blame. Maybe it's all coincidence and random. What about chance or fate? I don't know. I can't believe that my knowing you is random and simply by chance. That scares me more than all the other options.
One thing is certain. I'm in control of very little, and that's unnerving. I feel that I am at the whim of forces much greater than myself, and I don't know what to do with that.
Loss can shake us spiritually.
Loss can create spiritual questioning. This is natural and common. Our world has been upended, and whatever we believed about life, ourselves, the universe, and God is undergoing an intense examination in our hearts and minds. If what we think or believe doesn't provide sufficient answers for what happened, we might be thrown into a crisis of faith.
We can find ourselves wondering what we believe, deep down inside where no one else can see. Most of us seek answers that will allow us to be more at peace with ourselves, with what happened, and with the world around us. Many of us are extremely uncomfortable with the unknown. We see mysteries as something to be solved and revealed, and not as unknowns to be lived with.
We hunger to know. We long to understand. But most of all, we hurt, because we dared to love.
Yes, we know that the mortality rate among humans is 100%. We are intellectually aware that one day we and all those who are important to us will die. But when someone leaves, these obvious facts of life come crashing in on us and we are undone by the power of loss.
At the end of the day, we are all human. Our hearts are resilient, yet incredibly fragile. We’re wired for connection. When a strand of our life-web is severed, everything shakes.
Our hearts and souls search for answers. We look for those we love.
What I believe might be shaken or undergo some intense examination. This is natural.