Apathy: When No Feeling is the Hardest of All

 

Apathy. I often write about different emotions in this blog. Grief is so complicated and the anger, guilt, sadness, yearning, questions and confusion that come with it can make it an endless cycle of feeling. Grief can hurt so much because never have we felt so much. There can be a sense that suddenly we’ve been turned inside out, so that we’re made of nothing but nerves that can be pinched at any moment, even by the slightest trigger.

5 Years In

 

Next month it will be 5 years since I lost my 25 year old son in a car accident. It’s significant only because I was sure that in the beginning, I wouldn’t survive at all.  But I did, and this is a story of how I did survive and how I have learned to find some joy in my life again.

 

How I’m Coping with the Grief of Chronic Illness

 

When I was about eight years old, I had Scarlet Fever. I remember being in bed for days and the health department putting a huge QUARANTINED sign in front of our house. Scarlet Fever damaged my heart and I developed a murmur. As the years passed, the leaking valve became worse, and two more valves began to leak.