By and large, my holidays have gotten better. They aren't grand and glorious and giddy, as they once were, but they are finally pretty happy again. I've found ways to celebrate differently now, but the one thing I really can't do is to inject them with the element of surprise. The element of surprise is missing entirely. Where once I could count on being surprised on Christmas morning with gifts I hadn't chosen myself and maybe an activity or two that I didn't organize, those don't happen any longer.