I Feel Like a Shadow

When we get hit by loss, our entire being feels the shock. We can feel like we're somehow disappearing, like shadows in the night.  

From the Grieving Heart:

I miss you. Your departure has stolen my appetite. I'm never hungry. I forget to eat. I'm dropping weight.

When I do eat, nothing tastes good. I have no desire to eat anything healthy. Am I punishing myself somehow? Is missing you killing my taste buds?

Eating has become one more thing I don't have energy for. Preparation, cooking, and even chewing are draining. My battery is dying, and I have no idea where the charger is. 

I know this isn't good, but I don't care. I don't have energy to care much about anything. I sigh a lot. I stare mindlessly into space. I drive places and then have no idea how I got there. Sometimes, I wind up someplace familiar, but not where I intended to go. 

I feel like a shadow - a phantom flitting silently through everyone else's world. I function. I go through the motions. I get stuff done, but I'm not all there. Part of me is with you - thinking about and missing you. When you left, you took a piece of my heart with you. 

Tell me this won't last forever. I know I need to eat, but my heart is starving for you. 

Grief is stressful 

Grief is a form of stress. As such, it tends to dull the senses. Our brains think we're under attack and shift our systems into fight or flight mode. Our hearts prioritize. When in battle, food is not on the top of our necessity list. 

Grief hits the appetite. It can deaden the taste buds. Most of our energy is focused on emotional survival, and our bodies often pay the price. 

We're not hungry, so we forget to eat. We're not thirsty, so we neglect to hydrate. We feel tired, even weak. Over time, our clothing gets looser. We notice changes in the mirror. We begin to lose weight. 

We’re usually aware of all this, but we don't have enough emotional energy to care. Apathy comes knocking, and usually gains entrance for a while. Nothing sounds good. We feel like our lives are shrinking, as if we’re slowly fading away. 

In most cases, this will pass with time. As we process the loss and feel the grief, our appetite will bounce back. We'll begin to taste our food again. Our energy and motivation will return.

Thankfully, now is not forever. 

Affirmation:

I'll try to eat well and take care of myself. My loved one would want this.

Adapted from the newly released Comfort for Grieving Hearts: Hope and Encouragement for Times of Loss.