At the stroke of death, most of those left behind become different, changed. We see everything different, think different, feel different, react different. I don't know if it is a permanent change or only lasts through the deepest of the grief. I don't know if it is a tool that occurs to protect us, teach us, make us more aware, all of these things. We do become more aware though.
It seems as if we hear if more often, it's average is increasing with so much work to do. There has to be a way, we must get attention on the others that suffer from depression, mental illness or ptsd. It is increasing as quick as the second hand moves on a clock.
The thoughts and visions are present, more now than ever. I wondered why the mind decided not to think or remember them. Now I fully understand, it must be a protector because as sure as I start Thinking...tears are present. Life just isn't the same. I often wonder if you had these feelings. But as time passes it still hurts and I find few that truly understand.
Grief is something everyone will encounter in his or her life. There is no singular way to get through it. In fact, grief is never the same twice, even for the same person. Depending on when, how, and with whom is involved; grief can vary greatly with each occurrence.
Could it be that the point of life is to learn to understand and accept the hard things? If we learn to expect less of people, we are less hurt when they let us down.
What would I give to feel your strength
To feel your hands holding mine
the safety and comfort of your arms
I'm so scared and you could comfort me
I'm so lost and you could find me
I'm in such pain and you could heal me
What would I give to hear your voice
the music and tenor of your beautiful sound
so soothing and much more wise than I
To love deeply, we become more and less then who we were. Where once we were one, we become part of someone else. We become mom, dad, sister, brother, lover. When that love is taken from us, we lose ourselves. We lose who we think we are. That loss is devastating. We become mired in wondering who we are for we think we have become nothing.
This is another vacation week for me. I look forward to my vacations. I do. My husband and I can't always take the same weeks,so I end up being home alone with alot of time on my hands. I do not do well with time on my hands and I don't know how to relax.I end up actually dreading the time I spend at home...and I realize -again "This new life? I don't like it and I don't want it.
There’s no getting away from myself when Day’s incessant chatter quiets. After her shift ends and Night’s long shift begins. There’s no crawling out of my own skin and kicking it into a corner after the pitter-patter of feet, heading to bed, fade out. When phones are charging and message alerts have been switched to the “silent” mode. When TVs are clicked off. When dogs are sleeping.
