When Valentine's Hurts - 4 Tips

Ah, Valentine's Day. A time of love and romance. A shopping frenzy for cards, chocolate, and flowers. A day of hope, and perhaps disappointment.

There is something about this day that touches us profoundly. That’s not surprising, considering all of us are wired to love and be loved. Deep down, we all long to hear or read the words, “Be my Valentine.”

But what if we've lost someone? And what if that someone was our "love?" Instead of being something to look forward to, Valentine's Day can be a time of dread - a reminder of loss that actually brings pain instead of joy. It can be an intense time of grief and sadness. 

What can you do?

You could hide.

Many choose this option. Hiding and waiting it out is perhaps our most natural reflex when wounded and feeling out of control. 

You could run.

Many run into another’s arms. Others flee to someone or something to deaden the pain. But then, this is just another form of hiding.

There is a third possibility. You could make the courageous choice to meet Valentine’s Day head on, and use it to help you heal and grow.

Four Suggestions:

1. Meet the day. It’s coming, whether we like it or not.

2. Make a plan. Keep it simple. What do you want to do, how, when, and with whom? Seek those who are helpful to you and limit your exposure to those who aren’t.

3. Forgive. You can’t afford to let guilt (blaming yourself) or bitterness (blaming others) rule your heart. You're too valuable and important to let that happen. Choose to both forgive those who have wounded you and forgive yourself for what you did or didn’t do. Forgiveness releases your heart to continue to heal from past pain and grow into the future.

4. Express love. You can honor "loves" who have passed – buy a card, write a letter, or give a gift in their name. Remember them, honor them, and be thankful. But you don’t have to stop there.

Even when in pain, you can reach out and honor someone around you whom you respect and admire. How can you show them love and thanks? What can you do to help them feel appreciated and valued? A little genuine service can do wonders for broken hearts, especially if that heart is yours.

Love in the midst of pain and struggle 

Perhaps this is what Valentine’s Day should be about anyway – expressing love in the midst of pain and struggle. If we freely passed along the love, honor, and respect we long to receive, imagine the impact we might make.

Valentine's Day can be tough. We’re grieving, because we dared to love.

If you're hurting and missing someone, what if you used your grief to love even more?

Valentine’s Day will be different this year. Let's make the most of it.   

Losing a love is traumatic. Healing is possible. Watch the Heartbroken video here.