When a loved one dies, our lives are altered forever. This includes the future we anticipated.
FROM THE GRIEVING HEART:
I have been missing the past. Now, I’m missing the future.
I’m missing my future with you in it. You won’t be there. You won’t be here on your birthday. Or my birthday. You’ll be absent at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and every other holiday. Every special day we had will now consist of just me and my memories of you.
I’ve not only lost you, I’ve lost the future I was anticipating. Everything is different, and so is the future.
I thought I knew what I was doing and where I was going. Now, I’m not so sure. You were in the picture before. Now there is only empty space where you would have been.
Sounds strange to say I need to grieve a lost future. Yet, that’s reality. I miss what I had. I miss what I anticipated. I miss you.
I know I will somehow make it through this, but I don’t like it at all.
When someone leaves us, our world changes, and that includes the future. What we anticipated might be significantly altered. In some cases, what we planned on may be no more. The closer the relationship, the more deeply our lives will be affected going forward.
When hit with loss, we not only grieve what we had but also what we will not have in the future. Unfortunately, along the way we discover other losses that are also connected to our loved one – relationships, activities, holidays, traditions, etc. It’s never about just the one loss but includes all the other strands of our life-web attached to that person.
People are important. Life is about relationships. When someone we love exits, the future we had envisioned changes. With each holiday or special event, we become hyper-aware of who’s missing. Our grief surfaces, and powerful emotions can hijack us at a moment’s notice.
Though the future is now different, it can still be good. We can help make it good by taking our hearts seriously and grieving well.
Of course, we miss them and wish they were here. Perhaps we can’t imagine the road ahead without them. That’s okay. The answers we need will come when our hearts are ready for them.
Affirmation: It’s hard to imagine a future without you in it. I will focus on grieving well and celebrating you along the way.
Adapted from Comfort for Grieving Hearts: Hope and Encouragement for Times of Loss. To watch a brief video about the book, click here.