FEAR And Our Inner Child

Widowhood.. what a journey this is...for many of us losing our partner represent not only the loss of them but of ourselves..we were Mr & Mrs so and so.. Who are we now ? We always had that person even if he was in another room watching football on a Sunday.. But he was there.. Now he is gone and that room filled with noise and cheers is silent and empty there.

For many of us including myself It took me back to being a CHILD.. yes a CHILD..every single FEAR that I never had with him by my side became by life... and FEARS that I did have prior to his death were now more intense than ever before...FEARS controls the life of a WIDOW...We FEAR about our finances.. We FEAR about taking the car to the mechanic.. We FEAR on how will be survive this....We FEAR, We FEAR, We FEAR... Then one day I said...What do I really have to be FEARFUL OF ?? I mean the worst thing .. The very worst thing that could have happen to me .. DID....HE DIED !!! That was my biggest FEAR...

So now I am left at 48 with hardly no family, no siblings, no kids. NO ONE...So I comforted my inner Child.. I explained to her it was time to grow up..I told her the ADULT "me" was here for her.. She can cry.. and I will hold her.. She can feel AFRAID..But I will take away her FEARS... I am now in control now.. and although I may still not know who I am or 100% where I am going I can still comfort my little girl inside.. and tell her everything will be Ok...I will make sure of that...So before I toke that big step of leaving my job, my state, my home in a small town in Florida to move to the big state of New York.. I came across a bracelet that I believe was sent to me.. It said FEARLESS...so I bought it and I wore it when I left that day from Florida to New York and as I waved goodbye to my house I saw my bracelet wrapped around my wrist I gave it a kiss and reminded my little girl.. Don't be scared.. I will protect you...I am in control.. and no matter what struggles we have ahead of us.. we will do them together.. and everything is going to be OK.